Hello, fiends. It’s been a while indeed — almost a month to the day since I’ve talked to you. I hope all is well with you this side of social media.
I’ve had some hefty doses of stress (I really do hate that word) thrown my way over the past several weeks. People close to me going through struggles, struggles of my own, and some challenging issues at school have pretty much dominated my already-overcrowded brain space lately. By the time I got home from a decidedly unspectacular tech rehearsal for Godspell yesterday, it had all piled up to a nearly unbearable heap on my mind and heart. I felt like launching the sofa through the picture window.
I knew I couldn’t dwell on it, because the Js were due to arrive in an hour for a sleepover, and I didn’t want them absorbing any of my negative vibe. So I sat down and thought some thoughts. Here’s what I came up with:
- No matter how much you want it and strive for it (and in this case, it’s what I want for others as well as myself), sometimes what you want isn’t what’s going to be. It’s crucial that you become OK with it eventually, because it’s going to hurt only one person in the end: you.
- Stop trying to manage — and torture yourself with worry about — other people’s problems. You can’t own it all. You didn’t cause it, and it’s not up to you to fix it.
- The silly song “Accentuate the Positive” actually speaks some truth: If you don’t try to spread joy and minimize gloom in your life, pandemonium is likely to sneak up on you and take over. I can’t let that happen.
- Stop worrying about what people will think of your work. Um, still struggling with this one. hahaha
By the time the Js arrived, I had at least begun trying to lift the wet, gray burlap blanket off me. And of course, once the boys hugged me and snuggled into the easy chair and couch while I made dinner, I began to feel better. After yapping about Minecraft and school over dinner, Gpa Thriller made popcorn and we watched part of Jumanji. After a while, I put two sleepy kids in their bunkbeds, and we talked about the games Jake played at his school Halloween party. It took them about 2 minutes to fall completely silent after I turned off the light, so I was able to come downstairs and relax a bit. Quiet reflection can enable perspective, and I think I made some headway in those solitary moments when I had the main floor to myself (the Thriller was downstairs watching the Longhorns game).
So I embrace the perspective of peace today, and I will try to carry it through the rest of this insane week. I don’t know if I’ll talk to you again before the show closes this coming Saturday night, but I know I’ll try to keep the aforementioned mantras running through my melon. Maybe they can help you at some point, too.
Welp, time to get ready for pit rehearsal at 11. TTFN! Much love.