Monthly Archives: June 2021

On being an apology apologist

A Facebook friend posted this meme the other day, and I thought, Hmm…almost.

While changed behavior is certainly the desired outcome of the apology, I think that without an actual spoken or written “I’m sorry,” the aggrieved party is still on the hook for the feelings. You know?

Have you ever been hurt by someone, and when his/her behavior just magically changed for the better, you said, “I guess that’s his/her way of apologizing”? I know I have, on more than one occasion. But not only is that giving the perp a get-out-of-jail-free card, it’s also withholding ultimate closure of the matter from the victim.

Now, that said, I don’t require a sonnet or a treatise or begging on bended knee. Sometimes, changed behavior is totally an appropriate gesture. Still, when hurt someone, I feel compelled to look him/her in the face and make it right. I always told my sons to apologize without uttering the word but, because once you do that, the person you’re apologizing to stops listening, as you’ve turned an “I’m sorry” into a “here’s why you made me do this,” to wit:

I’m sorry that what I said hurt you, but I was having a bad day, and your complaining just pushed me over the edge. To me, everything after the “but” negates everything before it. It’s all about empathy (the ability to understand the feelings of another; the ability to “put oneself in another’s shoes”), and sometimes — just sometimes — we need to put the feelings of others in front of our own.

Other people may be fine with just a 180 on behavior because it delivers the desired result, and feelings don’t really enter into it. Anyone who knows me knows it doesn’t work that way up here. I gotta feel all the feelings, both for me and for everyone else. I guess I’d rather use the old Golden Rule as a general guide, you know? I like this graphic. ;-)

So those are my RNFs for today. Happy Sumday! I hope you’re relaxing, wherever you are.

Much love!

162 Days

Almost five and a half months. That’s how long this little break has lasted, and while it’s probably been a wise idea to let it rest a while (there’s a lot going on), I’ve missed you all. And of course, I’ve missed writing for my own enjoyment, although I didn’t particularly enjoy what stared back at me when I logged in, haha.

During my second major hiatus from RtB, I had a birthday! Rockin’ the Bourgeoisie turned 13 back in February. The odd little blog with the strange name and zero topical focus is now a moody teenager.

I’ve been asked once or twice over the last decade, “Why did you choose that name for your site?” Well, at the beginning, I thought about writing stuff that would sort of shake up my fellow working-class compadres. You know: trying to inspire feelings of sticking together, weathering hardship, giving the ol’ Bronx salute to the Man, etc…typical facets of the basic bourgeoisie. I had no clue on that first day what direction this little endeavor would take, and 13 years later, I still don’t. Go fig. But I’m glad you’re here.

Anyway, the only true aim that remains is to write for writing’s sake, with zero ads. I sell nothing, and want nothing except camaraderie. You have given that to me in spades over the years, and I thank you for it.

The 2020-21 school year was difficult for me, artistically (and financially, yikes). However, I think it was more difficult for my students, who, when they could have easily dropped my class, chose to stick it out. They are the real workaday heroes in my book. Now that the next school year is looking a bit different, I hope to try to make it up to them. Musical theatre is back, and full choir rehearsals are back. Looks like, for the most part, the car is back in “drive.” At least I hope it will be. I’d be delighted if my last handful of years in the biz was a bit less laden with offstage drama.

For the second summer in a row, there is no Odyssey for me. That’s OK, though. Plenty of work to be done around here, as well as bashing on through my coursework. Yes, I’m back in school again, after swearing I’d never take another class in my life. I’m currently halfway through the certification process to obtain my Paralegal license. I’m excited about this post-retirement opportunity.

I hope this finds you all well! I know that some of my readers aren’t connected with me on Facey, so it’s definitely been a while for them. Please check in if you have time, and also let me know if anything looks janky on the site, as many updates were applied (which always, always screws with stuff).

Much love,