Monthly Archives: June 2008

Moe, Larry & the rest of us

In what Variety calls an “eye-poking Three Stooges act,” Bill O’Reilly of FOX News and Keith Olbermann of MSNBC are still going at it.

Spraying down the decks with testosterone, and trading endless “Oh, yeah? Well, take THAT!” barbs, their bosses have now been forced into it. Ladies and gentlemen, phone calls have been made. <<insert dramatic chord>>


Now don’t get me wrong. I concede that both of these donkeys are passionate about their beliefs. In fact, I used to like O’Reilly, back in the beginning days of his show. I thought that, for whatever his beliefs, he brought an unapologetic toughness that other interview shows lacked. But then he boarded the loony train. “Absolute power” and all that…

Same thing with Olbermann. He’s passionate, and most times, makes sense. But lately, his rants have become so personal in nature, he sounds more like a wackjob; out of control. It’s like, sweety, we know you think Bush is Satan, Stalin, H**ler, Mussolini and Dracula all rolled into one. Can we move on?

Both sides have their points, and they’re hired to air them. But then they muck it all up by playing what I call the “humanity” card. The “you’re not fit to show your face in public” (O’Reilly) and the “Worst Person in the World” thing from Olbermann. Slingin’ the mud, throwin’ the rocks. “You don’t think like me, so you’re sub-human and I hate you.” It’s ridiculous, truly.

I say that the discussion of two topics — namely, religion and politics — cause more animosity between otherwise civil and intelligent human beings than any other. Don’t you agree? They can so quickly and easily turn personal. That’s what is happening to Bill and Keith. It’s not about the issues anymore; it’s become a slugfest. Ain’t nobody winning this one.

Bottom line: Guys, it’s news. Granted, it’s important news and you’re paid to blather on about it, but it’s television, fuh cripesake. If I didn’t know better, I’d say that you’re both secretly enjoying this gargantuan elephant of a ratings grab…

But I know better, don’t I.

Fink out.

When I’m 75

I hope I look this good. Believe me, I am going to try; I will use every medical, physical, nutritional, herbal and pharmaceutical method at my disposal to try to pull it off.

This is actress Joan Collins – remember her, Aged Ones, from the 1980s nighttime soap Dynasty ? (I never missed a single episode.) She was 22 years old in this picture, and personally, I think she was every bit as beautiful as Elizabeth Taylor was at the same age. Anyway, she just celebrated her 75th birthday at her villa in St. Tropez (as you do). Her husband, Percy (32 years her junior…some girls have all the luck), threw her a surprise party there, and she wrote about it in the London Daily Mail.

The Mail published her photos of the day, and I must say she looks smashing for her age.

In this picture, she’s posing with her husband, daughters, and granddaughters. [Isn’t the one in the hat a dead ringer for her?] The only thing that makes me look sideways at her is her vehement denial of ever having had plastic surgery. Rather, she owes her stunningly well-preserved looks to lipstick.

No, really. That’s what she said.

Still, whatever she did, she looks great. And I really need to get in shape. Ugh.

Fink out(side for a walk).

Photo credit: The Daily Mail

Now this is my kind of guy

Check this out:

Someone got so annoyed with the misuse/misunderstanding of the fallacy of begging the question, he made an entire (albeit satirical) website about it, complete with printable error cards, gently reminding offenders of their bungle:

Now that is fabulous. I urge you to copy this picture and save it. The next time an anchorperson misuses the BTQ phrase on your local television or radio news (wait for it, it’ll happen), email the picture to the station.

I especially like the section called “Frequently Begged Asked Questions.” Heh. And lo and behold, he shares my disdain for the biggies:

  • Could of, would of, should of
  • “I could care less”
  • Apostrophe abuse

And, oh bliss and joy, he also has merch.

This is going to be a good day.

Fink out.

The worst?

While researching the New York Times this morning, I stumbled across a Virginia Tech link. Referring to the horrible tragedy there last year, when Cho Seung-Hui went on a rampage and killed 32 innocent people, the Times quotes US government officials as saying it was the “deadliest shooting rampage in American history.” The phrase, according to my research, has morphed somehow over the last year and a half or so, and now the Virginia Tech killings are viewed as the “worst massacre in American history.” Hmmm. That didn’t sound right to me. I kept digging.

Well I think they’re forgetting something. A couple of somethings, actually…

Although it wasn’t a “shooting” rampage, per sé, it was still a murderous one. In 1927, sicko wackjob Andrew Kehoe, upset about school taxes, killed his wife before detonating homemade bombs at his Michigan farm (with all its animals tied up so they couldn’t run). That was bad enough. But what people in the East Lansing village of Bath didn’t know was that he had also planted half a ton of dynamite underneath the newly-built elementary school.

Bang. Thirty-eight kids and seven teachers, dead. Flesh hanging from street signs. As a mother, I cried when I read this:

Mrs. Eugene Hart sat in the street, with her two little dead girls, one in each arm and her son, Percy, lying dead in her lap.”

You can pick up the story here, but it ain’t pretty reading.

Ok, so the Bath school bombing wasn’t exactly a “shooting.” Got me on a technicality.

But how do the Feds explain Wounded Knee, where nearly two-thirds of the Sioux population (mostly women and children) were backed into a ravine and slaughtered? Several conflicting accounts were bandied about, but the math tells the tale: over 300 Sioux dead, compared to only 25 US Cavalry casualties — mostly from friendly crossfire.

So what about this? Does it not qualify as a serial killing? The Feds call it a “battle.” Well sweety, when the “battle” involves 230 unarmed women and babies…I don’t know about you, but that takes the “deadliest massacre” cake in my book. No wonder Washington failed to recognize it; seems old habits die hard. It wasn’t until Dee Brown’s 1973 book exposed the whole nightmare that people knew the real truth.

After Wounded Knee, this editorial appeared in the Saturday Pioneer newspaper in Aberdeen, South Dakota:

The Whites, by law of conquest…are masters of the American continent, and the best safety of the frontier settlements will be secured by the total annihilation of the few remaining Indians. Why not annihilation? Their glory has fled, their spirit broken, their manhood effaced; better that they die than live the miserable wretches that they are.”

The writer of this editorial? L. Frank Baum, author of another small, inconsequential piece of literature called The Wizard of Oz.

RF, killin’ your inner child

Photo of Big Foot courtesy US National Archives


Random Neuron Firings

Today’s RNFs are the result of this morning’s readings, and last night’s observations.

  • Finally, somebody stands up to Shaquille O’Neal. Note to self: beware of anyone who says, “Anyone who knows me knows I’m a comedian.” Ew.
  • Don’t you hate it when you’re reading along, getting into someone’s personal story, only to find out at the bottom of the page that it’s a sales pitch?
  • As much as I’m loving this jazz camp, the drive to Tiffin is starting to wear thin. Here is a picture of the lovely Je-nay-nay, doing her jam session performance. She was delightful, as was Samuel. (I forgot to take a photo of him. Nuts.)
  • How long do you think this guy practiced?
  • I have 5 pages finished on the 10-page project due this Sunday.
  • This going to bed at 1 a.m. is for the birds.
  • Bo Derek was 16 when she started dating John Derek. He was 46.
  • I find it odd that alligators can only be found in the US and China. That’s it. Nowhere else. There are also 1.5 million alligators in the US alone…and less than 1,000 crocodiles.
  • Ever wonder why honey is so easy to digest? (hork)

All right. No more excuses. Time to get back to “The Paper.”

Fink out.