Category Archives: Random Neuron Firings

Kinder, gentler politics

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There was a time when journalists didn’t blab every little tiny secret about a political candidate. They had a sort of “gentleman’s agreement,” whereby sordid details and human frailties (and possibly even bizarre behaviors) were not fodder for the national news.

Not so nowadays. From the Clinton-Lewinsky mess to Dick Cheney’s questionable business deals, everything’s fair game. Newbie politicians are immediately thrust into the turkey shoot of diggin’ up dirt. Case in point: this wackjob Jeremiah Wright has got to be making Barack Obama’s life plenty miserable — especially with the press dissecting every word they both utter as of late. Nothing’s sacred. Nothing’s secret.

Take marital infidelity, for instance. Was President Franklin Roosevelt’s affair with his wife’s secretary splattered all over the front page? No, but you can be sure that someone in the press knew about it.

And what about Dwight Eisenhower’s extramarital relationship with his secretary, Kay Summersby? The press were winking enablers back then. Imagine George W. Bush having an affair with his secretary. The boys from the press corps would be falling over each other trying to get the first pictures published.

Then there’s the Poster Boy of Presidential Philanderers: John F. Kennedy. Do you think all those midnight rendezvous with Marilyn Monroe, Kim Novak, Jayne Mansfield and Angie Dickinson were secret? I mean, how far can a president go without being seen? The newspaper guys were there — bet on it. They just didn’t make it the country’s business.

Truth is, some politicians are not model citizens by any stretch. I don’t think that necessarily makes them bad politicians. But they’re held up without mercy to public scrutiny, as if none of us has any faults. Richard Nixon was not a nice man, granted. But his worst political sin was breaking the hallowed Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt not get caught. He was in good company, too. Remember Gary Hart?

I tell ya. The world is out of control.

Uh-oh. Save your pipes, kids.

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I read this morning that American Idol (barf) winner Jordin Sparks is on vocal rest after suffering an acute vocal cord hemorrhage before going on tour with Alicia Keys.

As many of you know, the Fink herself had vocal cord surgery back in ’95. I was an assistant marching band director, and spent 6 weeks in the summer shouting at 130 kids on the field. I was also a singer on the weekends, so that royally bit. The more I yelled, the more the cords bled…the more I sang, the worse everything got.

So I was way past where Miss Sparks is right now. I had to have surgery to remove what are called “vocal nodules” or “singers’ nodes.” Check out the grotesque pictures:

These photos are taken by putting a camera down the patient’s throat, so you’re seeing a bird’s-eye view. Notice the small callouses on both vocal folds. From overuse/misuse and muscle strain, these “nodes” appear, usually one on each fold — and if they get big enough, they don’t go away. This picture is of a person at rest; that is, she is just breathing and not singing.

The next picture is taken as she tries to sing. Notice how the vocal cords — which are supposed to fit perfectly together like a set of closed curtains — are forced apart in places by the nodes. That causes a mammoth air leak, which is where the “hoarse” voice sound comes from. Therein lies the danger, my friends. If you’re ever going to talk or sing correctly again, you need to have them scraped off. That’s what happened to me, and it wasn’t pleasant.

Unfortunately, vocal nodes are more common than you might think. Lots of famous singers have suffered with them, and many had to have surgery to get them removed. Check this list:

  • Natalie Imbruglia
  • Justin Timberlake
  • Whitney Houston
  • Robert Plant (Led Zeppelin)
  • Julie Andrews
  • Bette Midler
  • Joss Stone
  • Luciano Pavarotti (WHAT? Opera singers with nodes? What’s the world coming to…)

So, like I always tell my singers (many of whom are cheerleaders and athletes who scream themselves silly at games): Those nickel-sized pieces of skin are the only means by which you can make sound for the rest of your life. Take care of them.

Peace (and vocal rest),

Dr. Fink

Photo credit: voicedoctor.net

Don’t know why…

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…but all this made me laugh last night.

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3. Charles Dickens slept facing North. He thought it improved his writing. [Gotta try that.]

4. The Thriller told me that when he went downstairs to his office yesterday morning, he saw a tiny spider “rappelling” down a fiber of its web. I do not know why, but that just cracked me up.

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Mondays. They’re everywhere. Ugh.

IAJE, R.I.P.

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Got an email last night that shook me up.

Dear IAJE Family,

It is with a great sense of loss that I inform you that despite drastic efforts to cut expenses and raise emergency funds, the IAJE Board has voted to file for bankruptcy under Chapter 7 of the Federal Bankruptcy Law…

The International Association for Jazz Education (formerly National AJE) has been around for as long as I can remember. Forty years, actually. Turns out, if this guy’s scathing blog post and others are right, people like me have been taken for fools for a long time. What have they been doing with my money?

I remember receiving a very short email back in January, from the IAJE board president, saying that Executive Director Bill McFarlin was stepping down, effective immediately. It was strange…no explanation, no nothing. Just, “He’s leaving, and we thank him for his many years of blah blah…”

Well, if the Open Sky Jazz guy is correct in his blog, McFarlin saw the handwriting on the wall. Years of excess and unchecked spending all backed up into what was a huge overdue bill to be paid. He jumped the Titanic before it sank, even though it was probably McFarlin himself who put the iceberg in the water.

I hope they’re all wrong about him, but it won’t much matter in the final analysis. IAJE is gone. Dead. There’s already a movement afoot to get it started again, but I am going to make my voice heard:

  • NO more “international” inclusion, at least for now – it’s taking on the whole world and there isn’t enough money for it. Over-diversification has killed many a business, and this was no exception. Start small, then build wisely.
  • Do NOT put jazz musicians in the position of business leadership! Unless they’re already CFOs of their own companies, get them the heck out of the comptroller’s office.
  • Ix-nay on the flamboyant, overdone, glitzy conferences at swanky hotels, where you pay $100 for the privilege of having hors d’ oeuvres with the board of directors. In fact, forget conferences altogether for awhile. Instead, get the jazz into the SCHOOLS. Hello — that was the initial purpose of IAJE anyhow.

*sigh*

What a bummer. Sad news indeed. It’s like losing a beloved uncle, and then finding out he was secretly a bank robber.

At least there’s Dunkin’ Donuts coffee this morning. I love Saturdays…

Fink out.