I mean, I get up at 5 a.m. every day, fuh cripesake. You’d think I could get out of here on time. Truth is, there’s just too much I want to get done in the early mornings, and I end up trying to do it all, at the expense of my getting-ready time. So now I dodge the raindrops in the shower and schlep the makeup kit to school with me so I can finish getting ready — hopefully before anyone sees me without my warpaint on. It’s bad enough to be seen with it on, Lord knows.

The custodian who vacuums the carpet in the mornings has seen me without makeup — something I rarely allow humans to experience — and survived. Barely. But he’s old like me and likely understands.

And now, fiends, I must fly. Please leave an articulate and compendious greeting for my lunch break.

FO