Sometimes, it’s irresistible.
I actually don’t appreciate “inside jokes” that exclude others. But when I received this from my friend Todd in Pennsylvania, I couldn’t resist posting it here.
Even if you’re not a musy, you can probably infer some rather indelicate suppositions about the composers listed.
THE MOZART EFFECT
A recent report now says that the Mozart effect is yet another
charming urban legend. The bad news for hip urban professionals:
playing Mozart for your designer baby will not improve his IQ or help
him get into that exclusive preschool. He will just have to get
admitted to Harvard some other way.
Of course, we’re all better off listening to Mozart purely for the
pleasure of it. However, one must wonder: if playing Mozart
sonatas for little Tiffany or Jason really could boost his or her
intelligence, what would happen if other composers were played during
the kiddies’ developmental time?
LISZT EFFECT:
Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything
important.
BRUCKNER EFFECT:
Child speaks v-e-r-y slowly and repeats himself frequently and at
length. Gains reputation for profundity.
WAGNER EFFECT:
Child becomes an egocentric megalomaniac. May eventually marry his sister.
MAHLER EFFECT:
Child continually screams–at great length and volume–that he’s dying.
SCHOENBERG EFFECT:
Child never repeats a word until he’s used all the other words in his
vocabulary. Sometimes talks backwards. Eventually, people stop
listening to him. Child blames them for their inability to understand
him.
IVES EFFECT:
The child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate
conversations at once, in various dialects.
GLASS EFFECT:
The child tends to repeat himself over and over and over and over and
over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over
and over again.
STRAVINSKY EFFECT:
The child is prone to savage, guttural and profane outbursts that
often lead to fighting and pandemonium in the preschool.
BRAHMS EFFECT:
The child is able to speak beautifully as long as his sentences
contain a multiple of three words (3, 6, 9, 12, etc). However, his
sentences containing 4 or 8 words are strangely uninspired.
CAGE EFFECT:
Child says nothing for 4 minutes, 33 seconds–exactly.
Heh. Maybe they’re not so funny after all. But I actually laughed out loud at the Philip Glass one. Nixon in China, anybody?? (I know, that was John Adams, but the whole minimalist thing just tickles me to death for some reason.)
Fink out.
PS – Happy Valentine Day! Buy your hunny something sweet.