No, I don’t mean the kind of static that occurs between people, or on the radio — you know, the important kinds. I mean static in my hair. And a metric ton of it.

As many of you know, the consistency of my hair is very much like a baby’s. I just have more of it; what the commercials used to call “flyaway hair.” And boy does it fly in the dry winter weather.

Seems I’ve tried every method out there to get rid of my static flyaway. From conditioners to humidifiers, I just can’t survive the winter. I dread pulling a shirt over my head. Here’s stuff I’ve tried, to limited or no avail:

  • ionic hair dryer
  • fabric softener sheets through the hair
  • leave-in conditioner (icky)
  • spraying clothes and hair brush with Static Guard (I keep a can at home and a can in my desk at school — it works temporarily)
  • keeping lotion on my skin and hands

I don’t know what else to try. Here’s some sage advice I found on the web:

You can apply olive, almond or coconut oil to your hair and leave this on overnight at least twice a week. This will start changing the texture of your hair from dry to generally healthy. A cup of milk cream with a tablespoon of lavender oil will also make your hair very healthy, sleek and glossy. Applying castor oil to your scalp and fomenting it with hot water will also help to moisturize the roots of your hair. Soak a towel in extremely hot water, squeeze it out and wrap it around your head after applying the oil. Once the towel cools, repeat the process. Do this for at least about four to five times before you wash off the oil.”

Yyyyeah OK no.

I am considering (and I am not joking), the Jamie Lee Curtis cure:

At least I could wear pomade and it would look decent. I don’t know….I just might do it. What say you, Finkites?

All right. Time to go tame the savage follicle beasts.


13 thoughts on “Static

  1. Suzanne

    I have short hair and love it!!! It’s so easy to care for. You can always try it and if you hate it it will always grow back!!!

    1. Rat Fink Post author

      True, Suz. I always say that to my students (boys) who have to cut their hair for shows: “It’s hair. It’ll grow back. Get over it.”

      Take my own advice…

  2. RD

    Have you considered a buzz cut — like one female singer — can’t remember her name — she wasn’t memorable to me. I think she might have been Irish. Know who I mean?

    1. Rat Fink Post author

      HA. You’re talking about Sinead O’Connor. Didn’t she, like, pee on a picture of the Pope back in the day? I can’t remember what she did, but it cause a flap.

      Now about her hair…no thanks! Buzzes iz fer boyz….

  3. Mavis

    I think it would make you look even younger. You always looked cute in hair that short and you wouldn’t have to worry about the fly-aways! Gofrit.

    1. Rat Fink Post author

      Ya know, Mave….I might just go for it. Seamus and the Thriller will hate it…but it’s my hair, right???

  4. Stein

    I envy your baby-fine hair as my head is covered with somewhat of a Brillo pad. Did you ever watch the cartoon Johnny Bravo? He always used Mr. Kevin’s Triple Thick Hair Cement. I feel like my hair is made with that stuff naturally. I’m not even sure why it bothers me so, but I would like to have somewhat more fine hair.

    1. Rat Fink Post author

      You know, come to think of it…I’ve never seen your hair move!

      Ya always want what ya don’t have. Story of my life!


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