Am I mental? Probably. But as some of you may know, there are certain words and sayings I cannot abide (which of course means that all my friends and family who read this will henceforth endeavor to use them in a sentence every chance they get).
Why do I hate certain words/phrases? Several reasons: icky mouth feel, pretentiousness, misuse, mispronunciation, overuse, just plain dumb. Behold a partial list, because neither of us has that kind of time:
Words and Phrases I Hate
Beaucoup. Now I love French, but when people mispronounce this particular word (“boo-coo”), I think violent thoughts. “He’s got boo-coo bucks to throw around.” Seriously, if you’re going to impress us with your cosmopolitan foreign language flair, you really need to get this right (“boe-coo”).
Treacly. Please. Simply say “overly sentimental.” The extra five syllables won’t kill you.
My bad. I know this might put me squarely in the fogie category, but as a teacher of 10- through 18-year-olds, I might be justified in wanting to drop people who say it.
My AMAZING boyfriend! It’s not that the words amazing and boyfriend are offensive; they’re not. It’s the constant use of them together to describe your sweetheart that makes me want to punch things. What amazes you about your boyfriend, truly? To be amazed is to be filled with astonishment; astounded, stunned, staggered, in awe, stupefied. That’s a tough gig for anyone to live up to, dudes. Again, maybe you don’t hear/see these things as often as I do because you don’t spend nine months a year with hundreds of teenagers.
Clutch. In addition to describing the mechanism that separates two drive shafts in a manual transmission automobile, or classifying a great play in sports that came just at the right time, clutch is now being used as a synonym for cool. “Those new Jordans are clutch!” Oy.
Kiddos. When used as a ruffle-the-hair term of endearment to ONE person, it’s fine. Using it ad nauseam to refer to one’s children (or a classroom full of students) is like chewing foil. I’ve heard school administrators use it to the exclusion of all other words meaning “children” while giving a 30-minute speech. Dreadful. Why? I ask you. Why can’t everyone just follow my rules?
____ Porn. Food porn, shoe porn, dress porn…I can’t think of any other examples. Does using porn after something you can’t get enough of make you feel naughty? Well, bless your heart and good for you. Now put yourself in time-out.
Yummo! I’m serious. *KaBLaM*
Panties. Don’t say this word around me — especially with the words big girl anywhere near it.
Cutie Patootie. If Rosie O’Donnell said it once on her talk show, she said it 3249869384669846 times. Totally ruined it.
Tuckus. While we’re on the subject of butts: I hate this word, too. It sounds like someone trying to speak after having just bitten into a huge lemon. It’s also creepy; ventriloquistic and sneaky.
OK, OK. Enough’s enough. I hope that, while I really dislike these words and phrases, you can see it’s all done in fun. If you use these words, or if you’re particularly fond of some of them, I will apologize ahead of time for offending. It’s never my intention. I’m also prepared for the Godwin’s-Law-like comment(s), “Well, I hate the word [something I said above].” Go for it. I deserve it.
In fact, to illustrate my good will: Tomorrow — Words I Love!