Monthly Archives: December 2008

Frankie was good…and bad

I cut my singing teeth on Frank Sinatra’s music. I’d say the majority of my “standards” style (for what it’s worth) was formed from listening to and trying to emulate his amazing ability to phrase a line. He was indeed the “Chairman of the Board” in that sense. Listen to “Only the Lonely” or “Guess I’ll Hang My Tears Out to Dry” and you’ll know what I mean.

While listening to one of the CDs in the Capitol Years collection on my way home from school yesterday, I thought about some of the interesting stories I’d read in Kitty Kelley’s tabloidish biography, His Way. It’s been years since I read it, but I recall it being, shall we say, not especially complimentary towards Mr. Sinatra. I think the lady downright hated him, and he must have sensed it. He sued to prevent her from publishing the book, but enter the First Amendment, stage left.

Ms. Kelley’s penchant for “unauthorized” biographies (and I use the term “biographies” loosely) reaches far beyond Frank. She’s done the favor for Nancy Reagan, Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, the Bush family and others as well, so…

Anyway, back to Blue Eyes.

I decided to do a little research on him last night, after my work was done. I ended up spending an hour and a half reading Sinatra’s FBI file, and here’s what I found:

Francis was a bad boy.

It’s long been said that Sinatra hung out with mob thugs. Pictures have captured it, and phone calls have recorded it. But he denied any serious liaison with them to his dying day, and strangely, no charges ever really stuck. (Isn’t that the MO of most gangsters? Do enough to get noticed, but not enough to get caught.) His most important and dangerous link with organized crime was Sam Giancana, the Chicago mob boss.

~

According to FBI wiretap transcripts, Frank entered into several business deals as a front for Giancana, including the famous Cal-Neva resort on the California-Nevada border. Sam constantly wore a friendship ring Sinatra had given him. They vacationed together in Miami. Frank regularly performed gratis at two of Giancana’s “supper clubs,” which doubled as backroom gambling halls. To say they weren’t friends is to ignore the nose on your face.

So, why didn’t they fry Frankie for his ties to the mob? Turns out, he had friends in high places as well. Somehow, he was always able to slide out the back door. People who made him angry, however, weren’t so lucky.

Jackie Mason, a decidedly unfunny (in my opinion) borscht-belt comedian who worked the casinos in the sixties, got a face full of Sinatra acrimony, on three separate occasions. According to crimemagazine.com’s lengthy summary of the 1200-page FBI report:

…Mason angered Sinatra by making jokes about his marriage to Mia Farrow. Mason received phone calls threatening his life, but refused to change his routine. Six days later, three bullets were fired through the glass door of Mason’s hotel room in Las Vegas.”

I suppose it could have been the fault of a crazed fan. Or not. Mason joked the very next week that he didn’t know who shot at him, but he’d heard someone outside afterwards “singing doobie-doobie-doo.” That week: four more death threats. (Is this guy dumb or what?)

~

The coup de grâce came in February of the following year:

“[W]hile Mason was sitting in a car in front of an apartment building in Miami, a man wearing brass knuckles yanked open the door and smashed Mason in the face, breaking his nose and crushing his cheekbone. ‘We warned you to stop using the Sinatra material in your act,’ the attacker said before leaving. Mason finally got the message and stopped using jokes about Sinatra.”

Well, ya THINK?

The stories go on and on and on, fiends. Over a thousand pages of stuff, and me with no time left. But regardless of Frankie Boy’s questionable friendships, shady business deals, and under-the-table gimmes involving gangsters, actors and politicians, he was still The Man With the Voice. The Kookiest of the Koo-Koo Hep Cats. That’ll never change.

Fink out.

Evil (but funny) Toys

Sometimes, you wonder what toy designers and manufacturers were thinking of when they invented this stuff. It’s actually quite amusing now, since they’ve been pulled off the market, but when you stop to think about it…

As usual, I don’t know where I picked up the link, but I ended up at radaronline.com last night. Hilarious. From their article about “Very Bad Toys” that were eventually yanked from the market, here are a few examples — some of which you may remember:

Jarts. We had a set when when Lars and #1 Son were kids. From radaronline:

Lawn darts were massive weighted spears. You threw them. They stuck where they landed. If they happened to land in your skull, well, then you should have moved. During their brief (and generally awesome) reign in 1980s suburbia, Jarts racked up 6,700 injuries and four deaths.

Yikes.

Atomic Energy Lab Kit. Who was the mental giant who dreamed this one up, I wonder? From 1951, this dandy do-it-yourself nuclear experiment came with its own “very low level” radioactive materials. According to radaronline:

The toy was only sold for one year. It’s unclear what effects the uranium-bearing ores might have had on those few lucky children who received the set, but exposure to the same isotope—U-238—has been linked to Gulf War syndrome, cancer, leukemia, and lymphoma, among other serious ailments. Even more uncertain is the long-term impact of being raised by the kind of nerds who would give their kid an Atomic Energy Lab.

Lawd.

Power Wheels Motorcycle. Yeah, it was fast. And fun — what kid wouldn’t want one? Answer: the kid who wanted to actually be able to stop the thing. Turns out the mini Hogs had a nasty little habit of getting stuck in the “throttle-wide-open” position. Oy.

Riders were apparently “stuck in a petrifying state of perma-acceleration. Presumably, the child on the motorcycle was then taken on a hellish, intestine-twisting scream ride. At one point, he or she would face choices unthinkable except in an Evel Knievel-meets-Knight Rider crossover episode: “Do I jump? Or do I ride it out and see if I can clear the gully? Is it sentient? Can it be reasoned with?”

It’s difficult to be horrified while trying not to laugh. I’m being honest here. Don’t hate me — I’m somebody’s Grammie, fuh cripesake. But the thought of…anyway. That’s enough for one morning.

Fink out.

My own Christmas story

Thanks to Mave for reminding me of this.

The year was, oh, I’m going to say around 1964. Mother, Mavis and I were Christmas shopping at a big plaza-style shopping center in Waukegan, Illinois (before the days of malls, all shopping centers were plazas, where you had to go outside to go from store to store). We went into a big department store (Goldblatt’s?), and came upon an aisle full of dolls.

As we slow-walked down the aisle, Mother gave us some time to sit on the floor and look at the dolls. I was entranced. I found a bunch of beautiful specimens and faded into my fantasy world.

When I came to my senses and looked around, Mother and Mavis were gone.

I walked to the end of the aisle. No Mommy. I ran to the other end. Nothing. I was all alone. I started to panic — quietly at first…you know, like whimpering and softly calling out for my mom. Then, as I took off running down aisle after aisle, the quiet panic morphed into uncontrollable weeping. I was certain that they had just forgotten all about me and gone home. (Years later, Mother told me she was actually nearby, frantically scanning the aisles with Mavis in tow, trying to find me and apparently missing me by inches.)

Anyway, I don’t recall exactly how or when I got outside in the cold, but I remember crouching down against a brick wall on the walkway, bawling my eyes out with my hands over my face. Then, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up —

It was Santa Claus.

Wow.

I remember him saying something like, “What’s the matter, sweetheart?” I told him, in that jagged little hiccuppy crying voice that kids do, that I couldn’t find my mommy and my sister and I thought they went home without me. I wailed. (Poor Santa.)

He scooped me up into his arms, and I remember people stopping by, talking to me, consoling me, telling me don’t worry, Santa would find my mommy. He reached into his coat pocket and produced a big red and white candy cane, which probably made me feel better. After what seemed like an eternity (although it was likely just a few minutes), I saw them: Mother and Mavis, almost running towards us.

Mother took me from Santa, thanked him profusely (I’m sure she was embarrassed), and hugged me. I remember her scolding me when I told her I thought she and Mavis had gone home (“I would never, ever leave without you!”). Mavis was no worse for the wear, because she got a big candy cane out of the bargain, too. :-D

Happy Wednesday — only 21 shopping days left!

Much love…

25 Years for Ralphie

A Christmas Story celebrates its 25th anniversary this year.

For folks in Ohio who were around at the time (1983), it was a big deal. Parts of the film were shot in Cleveland, at three main locations: The Higbee’s and Halle’s department stores, and a house in the Tremont district.

Since that time, both Higbee’s and Halle’s have gone the way of many downtown department stores; they were sold off and closed. But I found some beautiful pictures at clevelandmemory.org, and they brought back some fond recollections of when my mother used to take Mavis and me to Gimbel’s, Sears, Montgomery Ward and Marshall Field’s in Milwaukee and Chicago when we were kids in the 60s.

Those stores had the best display windows, didn’t they, crusties? Check out these great photos (click to enlarge):

The guy who bought the actual Christmas Story house has turned it into a tourist attraction, complete with a museum and gift shop. You can see it here. They just had a big reunion last weekend.

You can even buy the famous Leg Lamp:

I can’t believe it’s been 25 years already. I still think of all the kids in that movie as if they were still kids…

Here’s Ralphie (Peter Billingsley) today:

Nice!

Fink out.

PS – This is hilarious. A reenactment of A Christmas Story in 30 seconds, performed by bunnies.

PPS – A two-hour delay today. I must say it’s nice, but 5th grade choir really needs the rehearsal. Nuts.

Photo credits: clevelandmemory.org, imdb.com, Associated Press, WireImage.com, MGM/UA Entertainment

Must-sees for December

I told myself that I was going to allow some time for fun over my Christmas break. To that end, I want to see the following movies:

Revolutionary Road (trailer here)

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (trailer here)

Cadillac Records (trailer here)

Doubt (trailer here)

The Day the Earth Stood Still (trailer here)

So what do you plan to see over the holidays? There are a bunch of movies (like Despereaux – I loved the book) that I will wait to see on DVD. And speekina…

The Thriller and I decided to cancel our annual Christmas trip to Detroit (Greektown Casino) and instead used the money to buy this monstrosity, which is going to swallow my tiny little living room. Oh well… choose your battles, right?

Fink out.

Photo credit: imdb.com