Dwier Brown. I kind of knew him once. That is, I spoke with him in passing every once in awhile when he would stop at the office where I worked. I saw him in several plays at the university; he was great. But I’m sure he couldn’t pick me out of a lineup.

Do you not know who Dwier Brown is? If not, you’re probably not alone. But if you were female and paying attention in the early 1980s when The Thorn Birds (*swoon*) miniseries was on TV, you’d remember him as the totally cute and tragically sweet character of Stewie Cleary.

Then he hit the bigtime as Kevin Costner’s dad in Field of Dreams. Little Dwier Brown, from Ashland College in Ohio. Who knew?

Over the years, I’ve seen him on some TV shows, as well as some commercials. I’d say he’s made a decent living for himself in Hollywood. How cool is that? (Although my hope is that if he sees this post, he won’t go all postal on me for getting his resume wrong, like, um….He Who Must Not Be Named.)

But while I’m dropping famous names, here are a few more.

~ I once sang on the same program as Tom Netherton from the old Lawrence Welk show. No joke. Heh.

~ When playing a club in Mansfield, Ohio years ago, in walked Jonathan Harris — the original Dr. Smith from the 60s TV show Lost in Space.

~ When then-Vice President Dan Quayle came to town back in 1988, I was asked to sing the National Anthem at his honorary dinner. He shook my hand afterward; he has gorgeous blue eyes.

I know I can’t hold a candle to Ross’s close encounters (I must confess the almost-knocking-over-Dick-Clark experience made me laugh out loud — priceless), but hey, a girl does what she can.

Fink, schmoozin’ with the (erstwhile) stars

Photo credit: imdb.com

When I was a kid watching primetime TV in the 60s and 70s, I cared about exactly two plot features: fantasy worlds where people had amazing powers, and cute guys. Not necessarily in that order.

So it should come as no surprise that I loved these two shows. Still do, though I never get to see them anymore.

My favorite Bewitched characters were, of course, Samantha, and also the crazy Dr. Bombay. I even liked Endora, Samantha’s meddling mother.

I always enjoyed Elizabeth Montgomery as Sam, but I must say I was more than a little creeped out when I watched her several years later playing Lizzie Borden. Did I ever have nightmares after that, holy carp. It even scared me watching it ten minutes ago.

Anyway…

My other favorite magic show: I Dream of Jeannie. It held the double-whammy: magic, and Larry Hagman, who, in my estimation, was the one of the best comic actors on TV at that time. And don’t forget cute as a puppy. You just wanted to hug him and kiss him and squeeze and buy him a chew toy and take him home. (At least I wanted to when I was twelve.)

Ten years or so later, I changed my mind. Larry morphed from cute, long-suffering but still-happy Major Tony Nelson into nasty, greedy, mean-as-a-snake J.R. Ewing — even though he ended up getting what he deserved.

Anyone else watch these two shows? They are among my all-time favorites. That they both had dynamite theme songs was an added thumbs-up. They don’t write ’em like that anymore.

OK, time to make the donuts. Tempus fugit, et cetera. I command you to have a good Monday.

Fink, wiggling nose, disintegrating into a column of mist, and funneling into bottle *BiNg*

Photo credits – Sony Pictures Entertainment; Sidney Sheldon Productions

Yep, I’m haggin’ it again. It was time.

I am disgusted by some of the comments on various blog sites regarding Jessica Simpson’s recent weight gain. Words like “obese” and “pig” were slung about.

You know what? Shut up.

Like her new look or not, Jessica Simpson is far from “obese.” Calling her that is ridiculous and stupid. What is she, a size 8 now? Ten, maybe? What on earth is wrong with that? Are we so sick in this country with regard to female physical identity that now size 8 is “plus size?” I know…don’t answer that.

But here’s where Jessica falls off the wagon. (Either she fell off, or her wardrobe consultant did. Regardless, somebody needs to be slapped.) I refer to a longstanding observation of mine — yes, I’m quoting myself here:

Too many girls think that wearing shirts and jeans that are two sizes too small will actually make them look two sizes smaller.

So what’s wrong with the picture of Jessica? Simply: she is not fat, but what she’s wearing makes her look much heavier than she is. What’s up with the skin-tight tank top tucked into the painted-on jeans with a big belt to draw everyone’s attention to her problem area? Add to it the bare arms which should be covered, and hunny, you’re a mess, and you’re askin’ for it from the idiots of the world, so don’t say I didn’t warn you.

I’m not talking about wearing a muumuu, here. I mean, honestly. There are cute, smart ensembles that heavier girls can wear to complement their figures wonderfully. When I weighed 50 more pounds than I do right now, I did it. Worked in a band that played every weekend, and I always had nice, trendy evening wear *without* looking like I’d been run through a sausage casing machine to get into it.

I’m just saying that a skewed concept of physical beauty doesn’t only come from onlookers; it can come from a janked self-image as well. In other words, if you’re looking to exploit your … um … amplitude of curves, then rock on. That’s one thing. However, if you’re wearing skimpy, tight clothes because you think they’ll make you look thinner…ain’t happenin’.

At any rate, lay off Jessica. She doesn’t necessarily need to get back down to a size zero; she just needs a lesson in fashion subterfuge.

All right, “Hairy” Connick. I never noticed that he wore a hairpiece. I’m pretty sure that’s what it is. (And I know about hairpieces. Don’t ask me how I know; I just do.) Couple of giveaway hints:

Perfect ringlets with highlighting; the poofy thing at the part.

Maybe I’m mental and it’s all real. And maybe not. But again…if he wants to cover up his receding hair line, you know what I (and John Lennon) say. Whatever gets you through the night…

Hearing some awful bad things about Harry’s new movie, however. Of course, that could mean that I would really like it. And oh, my…what a smooth voice he have. Love to hear that boy sing.

FO

Photo credits: Bad Hair Day Blog at Typepad.com; Associated Press, Chris Gordon/WireImage