Category Archives: Schmenglish

Schmenglish X

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Sometimes I have to repeat stuff. Nobody listens to me (cep you guys).

I wish I could remember what I was reading yesterday morning. It was an interview with a military officer or university official or something…blah, I can’t recall. Anyway, I was reading through his comments, and stopped dead when I read, “And all the sudden…”

After that, I lost interest. Does that make me a bad person? I honestly don’t think I suffer from elitism here. I just mourn the death of our national grammatical conscience is all. Doesn’t anyone care anymore? Does no one care that horrible grammar makes one sound stupid? *sNiFfLE*

Then I had a thought (sometimes I do that). There are movements and causes everywhere. We are a nation of causes. Save the Whales. Save the Donkeys. Save the Butterflies. Save Route 66 (yay!).  Save the Old Jail downtown. Save the Outer Mongolian Tree Spider. TWITTER, fuh cripesake (aka Save the Random, Inconsequential Thoughts).

Well then, how about:

I mean, really. What defines a nation *first*? Its language; its primary form of communication. I know of no other language that is so routinely and indiscriminately mangled. Yes, yes, we’re a melting pot — a tossed salad — e pluribus unum, blah, blah. No excuse, sorry. Especially for native speakers. And I’m not talking about slang, or accents and regional idiosyncrasies (for instance, in Milwaukee, where I went to elementary and middle school, a water fountain was called a “bubbler”). Those are fine, and in many cases, interesting and fun.

RtB fiends know what I mean. I won’t go into it at 5:58 a.m. But listen. If we’re going to champion this cause (notice I’ve dragged you all into this), we need a way better slogan. I love the “Bad Grammar Destroys Nations” thing — but I can’t steal someone else’s gray matter.

So come on. What can fit on the front of a t-shirt? Certainly not the above logo, which I slapped together in 45 seconds. I promise to come up with something better. I’m willing to throw money at this, swear.

Sixth grade choir had better be fabulous first thing this morning…

Fink, in a mood

Things That Bug Me

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J’ever wonder why certain things bother some people, but not others? Is it that we’re all just charming little flavors of OCD, simply varying in subject and severity?

This morning, while doing the obligatory phrase search (to avoid title clash; 518 posts in only 17 categories can stretch the originality a bit), I found a rant I posted three months ago. I laughed — did I really write all that craziness? A friend told me several weeks ago that he’d gone through RtB in its entirety over an extended period, and read every post. I’m not sure I’d want to do that myself, for fear of editing every post. Anyway.

It made me think about how different we all are, and in the funniest ways. For instance, waiting at a railroad crossing — even when I’m in a hurry — doesn’t bug me. Yet, I know people who will rant at the train as if the conductor planned to intersect their path at that particular moment. The Thriller doesn’t mind cruising in the left lane on the interstate, but it makes me want to squirm right out the window (he knows this, and, I’m convinced, derives some small-but-evil pleasure out of doing it on purpose).

So, what niggling issues (I love the word niggling) make you squirm? You know a lot of mine; let’s hear some-a yurrin. Still, I am beholden to my fiends to insert my list forthwith, though few will surprise:

Things That Bug Me

  1. Posters or TV commercial graphics that say there are “1000’s of items” available. “One thousands” of items? And worse, “One thousand–apostrophe–s” of items? Yark.
  2. Inserting the infuriating “and” when talking of numbers and dates. What year is it? Why, it’s two thousand and nine. NO, it isn’t. It’s two thousand nine. Say it. 2009. Two. Thousand. Nine. What, Americans can’t comprehend a complex number so we need to break it up into smaller chunks by saying and? Then there’s money. The dress was two hundred and fifty dollars. NO….it was two hundred fifty dollars. I swear we are the only culture on the planet that does this annoying thing. Some folks don’t care about it at all, but to me, it’s like chewin’ foil.
  3. Unrinsed dishes in the sink. Arrrrrg! OCD! OCD! (Fortunately, that doesn’t happen at my house.)
  4. People crying, “OCD! OCD!” at every little stupid thing, like putting dishes in the sink.
  5. “All the sudden.” I mean it. Next puppy that crosses my path gets it.
  6. Touching wood that is wet, like washing a wood-handled knife. Sets my choppers right on edge.
  7. Always, always, always, always reaching into the wrong pocket.
  8. Tripping over shoes left on the floor. (And they’re always mine.)
  9. Calling the tech support line for a huge corporation and hearing, “our office is now closed…”

So share. Maybe I’ll discover other things that, if they don’t bug me now, will potentially bug me in the future because you implanted the suggestion.

Snark Fink

EDIT 10:04 a.m….

This is the coolest and most creative thing I have ever seen on YouTube.

Schmenglish IX

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Yesterday I snickered at a list of five “atrocious science clichés to throw down a black hole.” After additional snickering at the comments which followed the article, I got to thinking about overused phrases that bug me. Many of them have to do with redundancy. For instance:

  1. Almost identical
  2. Past history
  3. Quite/very/really unique
  4. An added bonus
  5. Tuna fish

And some all-stars on my peeve team:

  1. Controlling his/her/their own destiny
  2. My bad
  3. Same difference
  4. Literally
  5. Ironic (when something is in fact just a strange coincidence, having nothing to do with irony)
  6. Happy/unhappy camper
  7. All the sudden
  8. Staycation (I mean it. I will hit you.)
  9. Git ‘er done (See above.)
  10. Referring to a presentation at a meeting as a “piece” (“Regarding the education piece I talked about the other day…”)

And there are many more, but I’m out of time. I covet your peeves. Please post them here for all and sundry — especially if you hate the phrase, “all and sundry.”

The Thriller and I are off to Potter matinee madness today. Fun.

Fink out.

Schmenglish VIII

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Snark, snark, snark. Feelin’ kinda snarky this morning.

All right: here’s a list that makes me itchy-scratchy. Sometimes things don’t bother me regarding usage, like ending a sentence with certain prepositions (as long as it isn’t “at”). Sentence fragments. Don’t. Bug me. Usually. Unless they’re in a research paper.

I’m not the Knot-See I used to be; I’ve mellowed in my dotage. But some things do send me, darlin’. They make me want to say, Hey, c’mere. Got somethin’ for ya. *KaBLaM*

Many of the following have been mentioned in previous Schmenglish posts over the last year and a half, so 1,000 pardons (but they do bear repeating). It’s kind of my “Best Of” project. You know, the album that artists release in order to cash in twice on the same material? Well this is that, only without the cashing-in part. So, without further delay, and in random order:

Schmenglish Peeves

  1. “The Fink’s blog is better than Perez Hilton’s.” Why thank you, doll. But please don’t write that something is better then anything.
  2. You’re going to a birthday party today. Your not going anywhere.
  3. To little, to late. I can hardly type it. Is it too much to ask to remember to use the extra “o” when you write about that which is excessive or in addition to something? Or do I have to do that for you, too?
  4. Bananas. Pianos. Calculators. I will slap the pretty right off your face if you write banana’s, piano’s or calculator’s. Word.
  5. If I see another writer for a major publication (we’re talking the Times, the Post,  the Globe, and the place where all bad writers go to die: ESPN.com) say something like, The company would benefit it’s investors by selling off it’s assets, I am going to punch stuff. I mean, really. It’s is a friggin’ contraction of “it is.” When will they ever learn? Where have all the flowers gone?
  6. Could of/would of. Why do I get so upset about this one? Why do I imagine myself repeatedly bopping someone on the back of the head while shouting, “COULD HAVE! WOULD HAVE!” with each blow? I could of daaaaaanced all niiiiight…. Honestly. Some things make me want to kick and punch and scratch and maul.
  7. “I seen her at the bank yesterday.” You would be surprised at how many educated people seen folks here or there or yonder.
  8. Who vs. that (and the “vs.” stands for versus, not “verse.” Just sayin’.). You would once again be surprised to hear things like, “Students that plan to play volleyball should meet in the gym,” or “People that text while driving are more prone to accidents.” No, luvs. People get the “who” — things get the “that.” I hate things that make me mad and people who don’t care about how stupid we appear when we can’t master our own language.

Unfortunately, that’s all I have time for this morning. Must get those tour letters done. Mavis is helping me today, bless her heart. That will likely improve my sour mood.

I should do a Part II of this list. I think I might. I probably will.

Happy Monday — shyeah right.

Fun stuff to look at, silly.

6 Replies

Yeah, I needed to avoid ending a sentence in a preposition. You know, the kind of word I dangle at the end of my every post?

Speaking of prepositions, I took an easy quiz this morning. But this one was interesting, because it uses British English. It was surprising to me (even though I scored 100%, shameless POM wannabe that I am) how different it is from American English. Take it and you’ll see what I mean.

I ran across Schott’s Vocab blog on the Times site. Love his stuff (and this is on my birthday git list). Last night I read about different words and phrases that families use – you know, interesting combinations of words — or made-up ones altogether — that constitute their own special language. For instance, my kids and I always called the television remote a” widget.” Gatorade was always known as just “Gator.”

Trying to remember more of them, but coming up empty at the moment. Maybe Lars will recall something.

What were/are some of your families’ weird sayings? I covet them.

Fink out of space.

:-)