Ya know…it must come with age or something. Or gravity, or luck of the draw. One thing’s for sure: arthritis was always an “old person” term for me — until now. To my fiends who don’t suffer with it, I say this: when you see commercials for “relief for arthritis pain” and the like, don’t desensitize yourself, because someday it could be you. I never considered getting it myself, and now that it’s here, arthritis means infinitely more than an annoying commercial during Indians games. Like…the pain is really, really real, and there’s no other pain quite like it. I apologize retroactively to every person who ever told me he or she suffered with arthritis, after which I thought, “stiff, achy joints, but nothing life-threatening.”

Hence, my lucky day today. On the menu this morning is fluoroscopy. Yippy for 6-inch needles in my hip joint (although the physician’s assistant told me it’s not the length of the needle that gets ya, but the circumference). Not that I necessarily have an aversion to needles, mind. (Oy.) Anyway, they’re going to see how much of my pain is arthritis, and how much, if any, is due to soft-tissue damage. The doc gave his plan of attack over the phone yesterday:

1. Fluoroscopy, maximum of three injections. If that doesn’t work…
2. Steroids with mild physical therapy. If that doesn’t work…
3. Arthroscopy to clean up the joint. If that doesn’t work…
4. Hip resurfacing. If that doesn’t work…
5. The Grand Salami.

I know all this is a bit on the personal (or TMI) side, but many of you have asked about what’s going on, so I thought I’d update everyone at once. And truthfully, I’m glad to start small on the fixit scale, and work my way up if necessary.

Has anyone had this procedure? If so, please provide gory details. Hugs to all, and thanks for your concern for this creaky hag. And hey, all will be well and dandy this evening — dinner date with Helen and Lars!

FO

I won’t share it, but you can probably imagine.

This is not to say that I begrudge anyone else wearing one, however. And I love swimwear, I really do. Well, not this:

But this:

And this:

And definitely this:

See a pattern here? I know I’ve gone completely geezer, and I’m aware that we live in a “more skin showing, the better” beachwear world. Yet, I stand my ground. No one can tell me that photo #1 is somehow more beautiful than numbers 2, 3 and 4. Those who disagree are certainly entitled, but in my book, a classic, iconic swimsuit look (on others, of course) beats the carp out of a “what’s the point of wearing anything at all?” bikini any day.

Then there’s the issue of people wearing bikinis who perhaps ought to stay with the Lucille Ball-Marilyn Monroe-Liz Taylor look. But that’s none of my business, although I have been known, admittedly, to snark about the issue.

It’s true that looks do not and should not define or validate our humanity; our “person-ness.” But it’s also true that society (specifically, entertainment media) has made healthy body image a difficult ring to grasp, especially for young girls, for whom a few extra pounds can mean ridicule and social separation. I don’t know a single girl in my middle school and high school who wouldn’t die a hundred deaths inside at being called “fat.” I think they’d rather be called “stupid,” truly. Anything but the F-word. It breaks my heart to see it.

But hey, all the wimmins who read RtB are beautiful, inside and out. And it’s the inside beauty that matters. Funny how we know something in our heads, but…

Yeah, enough waxing philosophical for one morning. I’ve been up since 4:00, and it’s almost time for Justin to sit up in his bed and say, “Graaaaaaam-eeeeeeeeee.”

Definitely a coffee morning.

Photos: Getty Images

As I sit here crunching Honey Nut Cheerios (a bad idea yesterday at the grocery), I wonder this day:

What is the best breakfast cereal of all time? Everyone list their favorites. I’ll start.

In order of deliciousness:

1. Lucky Charms (I could eat a whole box, seriously. That’s why I don’t buy them.)
2. Cap’n Crunch with Crunchberries
3. Honeycomb
4. Cocoa Puffs
5. Cocoa Krispies
6. QUISP!
7. Quaker Granola
8. Raisin Bran (I always added my own extra raisins, till it was kind of like raisins in milk, sprinkled with bran flakes)
9. Froot Loops
10. Grape Nuts (yeah, I know — I’m a geezer)

OK. Ready, steady, list. And if you don’t like cold breakfast cereals, I would know the reason why. Then I will ask who stole your inner child.

FO

…until the Odyssey.

It was great to read about all of your plans for the summer a few days back. How exciting! As our trip gets closer, details are piling up. It would have really helped to not have had my financial life compromised by felons. Fools. Fie could find out where you live…But all is well, and all funds have been restored, account numbers changed, new card arriving soon, blah. It’s over, until the next time.

So we took a side trip to Greektown Casino the other day because they offered us some money and free food/hotel, and the stars in the video poker heavens aligned, sending us home with considerably more clams than we took up there. Huzzah. Some went to savings for the trip, some went into the bank for bills, and I put a little towards clothes. And what did the Thriller buy?

After the Js left yesterday morning, he went to work. Five hours later, my carpets smell like new (which is a delight indeed, since Rousseau got sick the other night…*erk*). They couldn’t look nicer if we’d paid $500 to Stanley Steemer or Rug Doctor. Awesomely awesome. (Though I won’t ask him to do the furniture, since it’s Fathers Day. Tomorrow, however, is not…)

I hope you’re all doing something fun for Fathers Day, even if it’s a long-overdue phone call.  We’re having an informal dinner tonight — kind of an open house, since our kids have other dads and dads-in-law to visit. Nice, relaxing day planned. I hope the same for you, fiends. Happy Sumday.