My own Christmas story

Thanks to Mave for reminding me of this.

The year was, oh, I’m going to say around 1964. Mother, Mavis and I were Christmas shopping at a big plaza-style shopping center in Waukegan, Illinois (before the days of malls, all shopping centers were plazas, where you had to go outside to go from store to store). We went into a big department store (Goldblatt’s?), and came upon an aisle full of dolls.

As we slow-walked down the aisle, Mother gave us some time to sit on the floor and look at the dolls. I was entranced. I found a bunch of beautiful specimens and faded into my fantasy world.

When I came to my senses and looked around, Mother and Mavis were gone.

I walked to the end of the aisle. No Mommy. I ran to the other end. Nothing. I was all alone. I started to panic — quietly at first…you know, like whimpering and softly calling out for my mom. Then, as I took off running down aisle after aisle, the quiet panic morphed into uncontrollable weeping. I was certain that they had just forgotten all about me and gone home. (Years later, Mother told me she was actually nearby, frantically scanning the aisles with Mavis in tow, trying to find me and apparently missing me by inches.)

Anyway, I don’t recall exactly how or when I got outside in the cold, but I remember crouching down against a brick wall on the walkway, bawling my eyes out with my hands over my face. Then, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up —

It was Santa Claus.

Wow.

I remember him saying something like, “What’s the matter, sweetheart?” I told him, in that jagged little hiccuppy crying voice that kids do, that I couldn’t find my mommy and my sister and I thought they went home without me. I wailed. (Poor Santa.)

He scooped me up into his arms, and I remember people stopping by, talking to me, consoling me, telling me don’t worry, Santa would find my mommy. He reached into his coat pocket and produced a big red and white candy cane, which probably made me feel better. After what seemed like an eternity (although it was likely just a few minutes), I saw them: Mother and Mavis, almost running towards us.

Mother took me from Santa, thanked him profusely (I’m sure she was embarrassed), and hugged me. I remember her scolding me when I told her I thought she and Mavis had gone home (“I would never, ever leave without you!”). Mavis was no worse for the wear, because she got a big candy cane out of the bargain, too. :-D

Happy Wednesday — only 21 shopping days left!

Much love…

25 Years for Ralphie

A Christmas Story celebrates its 25th anniversary this year.

For folks in Ohio who were around at the time (1983), it was a big deal. Parts of the film were shot in Cleveland, at three main locations: The Higbee’s and Halle’s department stores, and a house in the Tremont district.

Since that time, both Higbee’s and Halle’s have gone the way of many downtown department stores; they were sold off and closed. But I found some beautiful pictures at clevelandmemory.org, and they brought back some fond recollections of when my mother used to take Mavis and me to Gimbel’s, Sears, Montgomery Ward and Marshall Field’s in Milwaukee and Chicago when we were kids in the 60s.

Those stores had the best display windows, didn’t they, crusties? Check out these great photos (click to enlarge):

The guy who bought the actual Christmas Story house has turned it into a tourist attraction, complete with a museum and gift shop. You can see it here. They just had a big reunion last weekend.

You can even buy the famous Leg Lamp:

I can’t believe it’s been 25 years already. I still think of all the kids in that movie as if they were still kids…

Here’s Ralphie (Peter Billingsley) today:

Nice!

Fink out.

PS – This is hilarious. A reenactment of A Christmas Story in 30 seconds, performed by bunnies.

PPS – A two-hour delay today. I must say it’s nice, but 5th grade choir really needs the rehearsal. Nuts.

Photo credits: clevelandmemory.org, imdb.com, Associated Press, WireImage.com, MGM/UA Entertainment

Must-sees for December

I told myself that I was going to allow some time for fun over my Christmas break. To that end, I want to see the following movies:

Revolutionary Road (trailer here)

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (trailer here)

Cadillac Records (trailer here)

Doubt (trailer here)

The Day the Earth Stood Still (trailer here)

So what do you plan to see over the holidays? There are a bunch of movies (like Despereaux – I loved the book) that I will wait to see on DVD. And speekina…

The Thriller and I decided to cancel our annual Christmas trip to Detroit (Greektown Casino) and instead used the money to buy this monstrosity, which is going to swallow my tiny little living room. Oh well… choose your battles, right?

Fink out.

Photo credit: imdb.com

Leagues of extraordinary egotism

  • They weren’t taught how to behave correctly. WRONG
  • They are the best at what they do; cut them some slack. NOPE
  • They aren’t paid to be role models. FAIL

Say what you like, but it won’t change the truth. [Just like my ranting about it won’t change it.] Once again, the consummate arrogance and sheer stupidity of some pro athletes overshadows any positive force the genuine leaders display. The levels of spoiled-bratism in the NFL, MLB and NBA have risen to such ridiculous heights, even sports writers and commentators who’ve “seen it all” are raising an eyebrow.

The list of perps is too long to include here. It’s a shame in the first place that the list is long, but let me predict right here and now that it’s only going to get longer. Epidemics work like that. Anyway, here’s a taste:

#1 – Stephon Marbury

If you have a beef with your employer, refusing to go to work and making your colleagues pull your share of the responsibility is not the way to handle it. So what if Stephon has issues with the way he was being handled by the Knicks? Take care of that business during the daytime, but go to work and “tough it out” for $190,000 a night with your mates, regardless of the picayune details that seem crucial to you. At a time when people are losing their jobs in record numbers in this country, behavior like this strikes a particularly sour note. Get over yourself and do your job.

#2 – Manny Ramirez

After crossing his arms and planting his butt on the bench in Boston because things didn’t go his way, the Red Sox paid him $7 million to leave. Poor Manny.

But hey, look at the bright side. He won an award. He and fellow ding-dong Roger Clemens were top contenders for the 2008 Gobblers.

#3 – Allen Iverson

Well you can’t blame a guy for trying. I mean, I’d hate to have to work on Thanksgiving Day. Being an incredibly highly-paid school teacher, I revel in getting that day off. But I haven’t always. I’ve worked in retail, and as a waitress. I’ve worked on Christmas, Easter, New Year’s Day, and yes — Thanksgiving Day. It bit, but I did what I had to do, just like everyone else. Er, almost everyone else.

Allen apparently didn’t appreciate having to work on Thanksgiving Day, so he just took the day off, without calling anyone. At least he apologized for it later (but come on, admit it: it’s always easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission).

Bottom line, Al: if you don’t like the work schedule, get a different job.

#4 – Chad “Ocho Cinco” Johnson

OK, cut him some slack. He showed up late to a Bengals team meeting. Come on, he was tired. So he sat there in the chair and slouched like a pouting 5-year-old, and when he was told repeatedly by a coach to sit up and act like a man, he got up and left, earning himself a one-game suspension. Boo hoo.

All joking aside (was I joking?), it’s uncanny how out of touch some of these guys really are. You’d think that, since most of them came from (at best) regular, working-class families, they’d have a bit more perspective. And I know all about having money thrown at them from all sides, the instant riches and everything that goes with it, blah, blah…but somehow, all the “coaching” these young players get from their betters regarding on- and off-the-field behavior doesn’t quite sink in with many of them. Offending fans with cosmically stupid statements doesn’t seem to bother them, either. From a great article in the Baltimore Sun:

“I got my family to feed.” — former Timberwolves swingman Latrell Sprewell, as he turned down a 3-year, $21 million extension in 2004.

“Sure, we might make a lot of money, but we spend a lot of money, too.” — former Knicks forward Patrick Ewing, during the 1999 lockout.

“When you’re rich, you don’t write checks. … Straight cash, homey.” — then-Vikings receiver Randy Moss in 2005, about how he would pay a fine for mooning Packers fans.

“It’s a sad day for me. Our paychecks will be cut in half.” — Vikings defensive end Jared Allen, after Obama’s election. (?????)

“If I wasn’t making so much money, the fans would show a little compassion. … It would be a blessing to be a typical jock.” — Giants pitcher Barry Zito.

You’re right there, Barry. You would be blessed. I know a lot of “typical jocks” who aren’t selfish, whiny brats, and who have their self-worth and perspective completely intact.

I know the bottom-liners out there will say it’s the American way, or it won’t change until fans don’t go to games anymore, etc. But truly, we’re too far gone for that. Pro sports are hard-coded into our nation’s DNA. I myself am guilty of their propagation. It would be nice if nobody talked, wrote or cared about sniping, swaggering, selfish athletes, but that’s not the reality.

What is the reality is this: I need to start studying. Today. Have a relaxing Sunday, all. Did I mention I don’t have to go to school tomorrow? It’s Deer Huntin’ Day! Yaaahoo!

Fink, happy to teach in the boonies (actually, just happy to have a job at all)

Various & Sundry VII

Whoa, I slept in until 6:25! Half the day’s gone now. OK, what’s in my reptilian brain this morning? I have six tabs open in Firefox. What’ll it be? Ahh….

Kanye West. I remember the first time I heard the Auto-Tune vocal processor on a recording. It was ten years ago (I looked it up), on Cher’s “Do You Believe in Life After Love?” Kind of a cool effect.

This morning, I listened to four tracks from West’s new album, Heartless. I kept listening, thinking, “OK, there’s got to be an end to this effect; he’s going to revert to his real voice any second now.” Nothin’ doin’. There isn’t a single moment of those four songs when Auto-Tune is not (over)used.

For those who may not know, Auto-Tune is a device used in recording studios (and increasingly in live performances) to alter a voice. It corrects bad notes so it sounds as if the artist sang in tune. Engineers can also monkey with Auto-Tune to give a voice a robotic sound.

As with every other in-studio sweetening gimmick (delay, reverb, phase shift, doubling, and a hundred other effects I don’t know about), Auto-Tune should be used like salt; a little bit goes a long way. Too much of it and the whole dish is ruined. And so it went with my four-course Kanye meal. It is apparent that the boy can’t sing in tune, but at least has the wisdom to use technology to cover up the fact. Unfortunately, the “annoying” factor still comes through loud and clear.

“Paranoid” has a nice hook in the chorus, but cripes I can’t get away from the Auto-Tune that I know is coming on the next line and the next and the next. And regarding “Amazing” — props to Mr. West for being a mega-hitmaker, but son, it sounds like a couple of my middle school boys experimenting with a 4-track recorder and a sampler in their attic. The singing is so bad, not even Auto-Tune does a decent job of covering it up.

The lyrics weren’t especially ennobling, either:

Tawk & tawk & tawk & tawk ~ Why don’t we just knock it off ~ They don’t know what we been thoo ~ They don’t know ’bout me & you

Troof.

But hey, to each his own, right? If the music speaks to you, it’s all good, because in my book, that’s what music is supposed to do. And here ends my foray into popular music criticism — an endeavor best left to those who know the business. But seriously, anyone can recognize delusions of grandeur/self-aggrandizement when they see it. Brother needs to be careful. It’s all fun & games, painting yourself as bigger than life and greater than everyone and everything, until you can’t back it up. Heartless didn’t help Kanye’s quest for world domination.

Fink out.

Photo credit: Time