Well now, fiends, I am in a mood. I seethe, therefore I rant.

I positively refuse to believe this. But then again, not really. Because, sadly and embarrassingly, that’s what America represents. We are above nothing. This, to my horror, is a truly illustrative slice of our popular culture. This is what we think is quality entertainment; representative of our national identity — the stuff of time capsules buried beneath the Capitol building. We have to be ridiculously careful to never, ever misspeak in public for fear of legal retribution, but we can celebrate the insipid, cruel and ignorant things Matt Groenig writes, and cover it up by saying, “Hey, free country. Change the channel if you don’t like it.” Well, to that person I say, I DID change the channel and I STILL think you’re a stupid hick. HA! So there. Sue me for hurting your feelings. Next thing you know, Stewie from Family Guy will be on a postage stamp. Hahaha!! Aw MAN that would be awesome! Heh heh OMG that is hilarrrrious. Hey let’s go git us a bat and destroy us some mailboxes, k? We’re Amurricans and we got the Confederate flag and *bANg*

Unbe-friggin-lievable. But let’s see, what else…

Oh, this. (Of course it happened in Ohio, as so many national-news-making stupid things do.) Reminds me 100% of my childhood and young teenage years, enduring the Religion of No. No dancing, no card-playing, no rock and roll, no watching Ed Sullivan (Dad thought he was a Commie sympathizer), no reading Time (Dad: “It’s a Communist rag”), no walking into a place where they served alcohol (“What if Jesus came back and caught you in there?”), no smoking because God can’t look on it… no, no, no, no. If my dear father were here, I would tell him that I would have made him crazy with my rebellious behavior even if I was never allowed to attend that first junior high school dance. Furthermore, I don’t care where Ben Roethlisberger went to high school. Moreover, I like to use the word moreover. Get moreover it.

I resent my music ed exam. See, there are two parts to it, selected from a pool of four possible subject areas (philosophy; then quantitative, qualitative and historical research methodologies). Well, I failed the quantitative part, but my marks on the philosophy essay were listed as “high pass.” Yet, I have to take both parts of the exam over again. Not fair. They have earned my enmity. Right, I know…life ain’t fair so get over it. I’m trying, so GET OFF ME! Why do you have to be so CRITICAL???

*straightening skirt, smoothing hair*

Well now, that was nice. I feel better. I must say I’d better hurry or I’ll be late for my breakfast meeting with Jerry.

Hating everything and everyone (except you),


12 thoughts on “Rant-urday

  1. BoomR

    This country went to H*LL in a hand basket the day someone decided that it was OK to put Elvis on a stamp, right along side all those other hacks like George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, etc… Homer Simpson, eh? The next thing you know, it’ll be the Beatles!! (oh, wait – http://www.norvic-philatelics.co.uk/2007/01-beatles.htm)

    Now, RF my sweet, I can’t BELIEVE that you missed your chance to post on the hallowed day of this great American’s birthday (yesterday, May 8):


    I’m going shopping…


    1. Rat Fink Post author

      Now sweety…do NOT tell me you’re equating Homer Simpson with the Fabs and Elvis! *sound of heart breaking* I mean, I put the Beatles on **just** a slightly lower rung than Abraham Lincoln, but to have Homer there, too? As an icon of American pop culture? And yet, I know he is. I just can’t deal with the repugnance and embarrassment, that’s all. Throw me off Mt. Rushmore.

      Of course I knew there were Beatles stamps, silly. :P Hmmm…perhaps some philatelic research is in my future.

      And shame on me for forgetting my man Jim’s birthday. Wonder what kind of cake they serve in the slammer…

      Call Mama BoomR up there in Iowa today and tell her I said hi!


      1. BoomR

        I just had to give you a little grief on the Beatles – I know you’re a huge fan (with the Monkeys a close 2nd) :-) But I’m still with you on the stamp thing. Guess it’s a sign of my old age. I always thought that stamps & $$ was reserved for founding forefathers/mothers & other such people. I can just see the new Homer Simplson $3 bill.. LOL

        Mum is out in California, visiting Kaylee my neice (long story), but thanks to her cell phone will still be able to reach her. I will send her your best! Did I tell you that they are both coming to Dallas for a weekend to visit & celebrate the big 5-0? Miracles DO happen!


        1. Rat Fink Post author

          Did I tell you that they are both coming to Dallas for a weekend to visit & celebrate the big 5-0?


          That is FAB! You must write and spill all the fun details after the visit. I love you!

  2. Conger

    Haha, man am I glad I go to a school where I am the most “hick-like”. It makes conversations much more interesting and less ignorant.

    Also, religion. LOL.

    1. Rat Fink Post author

      Ah Mathew…I knowed you was always a hick at heart. Isn’t everyone who comes from Willard?

  3. Ross

    Are you suggesting that The Simpsons is low-brow humor? You have to be kidding! For the past twenty years it’s been American TV’s sharpest satire, reflecting and drawing attention to the more ridiculous aspects of our culture — not the other way around.

    And just because it’s a prime-time cartoon does not mean that it automatically should draw its only comparisons with ‘Family Guy’. That said, personally I can’t help myself, I think Family Guy is outrageously hilarious; but the Simpsons, is, generally speaking, a fantastic and intelligent sitcom, one of the best in history.

    1. Rat Fink Post author

      Yep Ross — that’s exactly what I’m suggesting. And no, I’m not kidding. The Simpsons has become just another vehicle for guest stars to let it all hang out and act stupid. The show is to satiric comedy what Dancing With the Stars is to the art of dance: just fun, silly diversion.

      But it’s all good, for the very same reasons that you like hockey and I don’t, and I think pink and purple should be *everyone’s* favorite colors. Besides, somebody likes The Simpsons…it’s been on for what, 19-20 years now?

      1. Ross

        Hmm, ok well I admit I haven’t watched it regularly for years, I don’t even know when it’s on. I’ll grant you the gratuitous guest spots, I’ll grant you some weak seasons, but in its prime, it skewered us like Stewart did to Cramer.

        Unrelated, the other day I bought the final disc in Osmo Vanska’s Beethoven symphony cycle with the Minnesota Orchestra, and I say this without hesitation, his 7th is the best I’ve ever heard. I have 13 recordings of the 7th, from the Kleibers to Toscanini, Haitink, Pekka-Salonen, Rattle, even Mravinsky, and I heard things in Vanska’s that I’ve never heard before. He capped off that cycle with a dazzling gem.

        Oh and c’mon RF, EVERYONE loves hockey. Basic syllogism: For the sake of argument, ‘all people’ love sports. Hockey is the only true sport. Therefore, all people love hockey.

        1. Rat Fink Post author

          Ah-ha! A *true* case of begging the question, yay!!!

          Hey I did not know that you were such a Beethoven aficionado. I am impressed! My all-time fave is the first movement of the 9th. I think I have it somewhere with Szell conducting Cleveland. Have you heard this?

          Do you get into his piano sonatas at all? If so, check out the Pathetique, 2nd movement. Bliss.

        2. Ross

          I thought I had that recording but the only Beethoven I seem to have with Szell is him leading Clifford Curzon and I think the LPO in the Emperor concerto from 1949. Otherwise for the 9th I have Abbado, Bernstein, Leinsdorf (with Boston SO, the chorus blows the pack away), Stokowski (my Wagner hero) and a couple others.

          Back during our lean, financial San Francisco years, I bought classical and opera recordings maniacally, but couldn’t afford to keep them so I would transcribe the contents of the insert/booklet into a word document, burn a copy, and sell/trade it back (not libretti of course). Ridiculous. Why didn’t I just photocopy?

          Anyway, 2nd movement, Pathetique- #8 is it? I’ll check it out. I’ve never bought a complete Beethoven Sonata recording cycle because I never knew who to trust with all of them.

        3. Rat Fink Post author

          Wow, an opera buff…a Wagner opera buff to boot…am I still in Kansas, Toto??

          Yep! #8, in c minor. Actually all 3 movements are stunning. I was delighted that they used it in the film Immortal Beloved. This sonata is one of the reasons, in my opinion, he’s called the Father of Romanticism. Sturm und drang indeed.


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