This is one of those “do NOT go there” sites, especially if you provide some kind of contracted service for people. This particular site is populated by graphic and web designers, and they share their true stories from the battlefield. I couldn’t stop reading; it was like watching a wreck, except funny. Some personal favorites:
CLIENT: We want a website that looks minimalist and fresh, like [a local department store]’s.
ME: That’s a great starting point
CLIENT: The most important feature is professionalism. Clean lines, lots of white space, so our customers know we mean business.
ME: Sounds great! Any other fundamentals?
CLIENT: Have you seen the website for Chiquita Banana?
ME: I – no, I’ll have to check it out. What do you like about the site?
CLIENT: It has these cute bananas with sunglasses that walk around and dance and stuff. We want something like that.
CLIENT: This website is about GOOD wholesome music! No Lady googoo, or the Mr Cisco thong song, or, uh, Ozzy Osmund. Just good wholesome music.”
CLIENT: We need to submit our app to the store before it closes for the weekend—what time does the app store close on Friday nights?
At the grocery:
CLIENT: “Aren’t you supposed to be designing my brochure?”
ME: “It’s Sunday morning. I’m just buying milk because I ran out.”
CLIENT: “Oh, you did? Well, what should we do then if we run out of time for the project, huh? Just leave the last two pages blank and write ‘sorry, ran out of milk’ on them?”
ME: “I don’t know why you’re getting so upset over this.”
CLIENT: “I don’t know why you can’t just eat your cereal dry.”
CLIENT: “I just… Okay, sorry I snapped. I just came from church. That place leaves me feeling so angry for some reason.”
CLIENT: Last night I dreamed that the site was made out of roast pork and corn juice. I know it sounds strange, but I really like the essence of the idea. Can you do something with that, with the essence of the idea?
CLIENT: … And whenever anyone refreshes the page, the opening of “The Circle of Life” will play as loud as possible. Does anyone own rights to that song?”
CLIENT: “Oh and by the way, we don’t want you to draw udders on the cows.”
ME: “Why not?”
CLIENT: “It’s too suggestive.”
And the best one, especially for musicians…
CLIENT: What do you mean, ‘payment?’ You told me you were freelancing!”
Just when I think I’ve heard the strangest things ever, working in public education…
Off to have coffee with Meg. Happy Monday, if there is such a thing.