Since I’m squawking…

Yesterday, while listening to Sirius Radio’s “70s on 7” channel in the car, I heard what I think might be one of the worst pop songs ever: “Deanie” by Shaun Cassidy. No joke. Melody went all over the place, cloying lyrics…Lawd.

So, help me add to the list here. What are the absolute worst pop songs you’ve ever heard? Here are the rules:

  1. The songs on your list can be rotten for any reason (ugly melody, stupid lyrics, annoying singer, etc.)
  2. Let’s not include songs that you originally liked, but were played to the point of you wanting to shoot yourself. Like, say, “Don’t Worry, Be Happy,” for instance. I liked it when it first aired, but after the millionth time…
  3. Stick to hits. For instance, “Friday” by Rebecca Black is a really bad song, but it didn’t hit the Top 40 charts. It was more of a meme than a song, actually.

So here we go.  Ready, steady, list!

Worst Pop Hits of All Time
(In No Particular Order)

  • Lady Lady Lay – Bob Dylan <–in the top five of my list of Most Overrated Artists Ever (but that’s another post)
  • Burnin’ Love – Elvis Presley (“a hunk-a hunk-a”…really?)
  • Little Willy – The Sweet
  • Havin’ My Baby – Paul Anka
  • Babe – Styx (please, please, PLEASE, fuh cripesake, transpose it down a minor third)
  • Playground in My Mind – Clint Holmes (look it up, seriously)
  • Dance Hall Days – Wang Chung
  • Lean On Me – Club Nouveau (not because of the song, but because the singers and producer hadn’t a righteous clue what “that’s a quarter-step sharp” means)
  • Safety Dance – Men Without Hats
  • Sweet Child of Mine – Guns ‘N Roses
  • Escape (The Pina Colada Song) – Rupert Holmes
  • Seasons in the Sun – Terry Jacks
  • I Would Do Anything For Love – Meatloaf (sorry, he’s just bad)
  • Time Passages – Al Stewart
  • Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm – Crash Test Dummies (yes, boys, you sound like James Hetfield, now go away)
  • If I Could Turn Back Time – Cher
  • Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep – Middle of the Road (I am not making this up)
  • It’s a Heartache – Bonnie Tyler

Truthfully, I could list hundreds. But I don’t want to spoil anyone else’s fun. :-) Gofrit!

 

17 thoughts on “Since I’m squawking…

  1. Skylar

    First, Sweet Child of Mine? Really?? o.O

    – Kiss; Prince (His voice….)
    – Eye of the Tiger; Survivor
    – Truly, Madly, Deeply; Savage Garden (I don’t suppose you remember the alternate lyrics our public speaker came up with a few years back? :])
    – (Anything); Kesha (I like the sound of her songs, I guess, but her lyrics are kind of ridiculous.)

    … That’s all I have at the moment.

    Reply
    1. Rat Fink Post author

      YES — anything with Axl Rose’s voice makes me think of a 9-year-old whining because he didn’t get his way. I think he’d sound the same if he pinched his nose shut.

      I don’t remember the alternate lyrics…refresh my memory!

      Reply
      1. Skylar

        Alternate lyrics:
        I want to push you off of a mountain.
        I want to hold you under the sea.
        I want to lay you to rest forever
        until the cops come after me.

        I think my folder partner and I can blame that guy on our bad habits. :P

        Reply
  2. PKPudlin

    The flute solo in “California Dreamin'” (Mamas and Papas) is flat. That drives me nuts. Maybe it’s meant to sound ‘jazzy’, but it’s still flat.

    Cher is consistently flat. Can’t think of anything she did that I have liked.

    I’m with you on the ‘Havin’ My Baby’ song. Blechhhh. With you on a few others too.

    Most things David Bowie. I just don’t get it.

    PK

    Reply
    1. Rat Fink Post author

      Boring, unimaginative and ugly. < --- I'll add those to that flue solo. Makes me think of the synth solo on the Monkees' "I'm a Believer." Whoa, *complicated.* LOL Interesting you bring up Cher's singing. In the 60s and 70s, she had this horrible habit of dragging her voice down into a fall after each phrase. When she made her comeback in the 90s, it was gone. I've always wondered...did she go for coaching, or did some kind soul level with her? At any rate, I don't like any of her music.

      Reply
    1. Rat Fink Post author

      From Wikipedia:

      “In July 1976 Captain & Tennille performed “Muskrat Love” at a White House dinner honoring Queen Elizabeth II. The press subsequently ran a statement from a dinner guest who opined it was “in very poor taste” to sing of mating muskrats before the Queen.”

      HA

      Reply
  3. Tom Hanks

    I can’t think of any myself, but I feel the need to boo your inclusion of Lay Lady Lay

    BOOOOO! BOOO!

    Sorry haha.

    Reply
    1. Rat Fink Post author

      HA — well, git bizzy, man! Thinka some!

      I imagine I’m in quite the minority with my anti-Zimmermanian feelings. It’s OK, though. He’s way famouser than I, so that’s got to say something!

      Reply
      1. Tom Hanks

        Almost any pop hit from the 80’s. And I’m 100% with you on “Sweet Child of Mine”. Was that from the 80’s?

        I bet its about 50/50 on Bobby so there is no shame in thinking what you do. I used to think that song sounded stupid but now I really like it, especially the way it changes when he goes up to lines like “whatever colors you have in your mind”, “I long to see you in the morning light” etc. Changing my opinion doesn’t mean I’ve changed for the better though. My taste may have gotten worse haha.

        Reply
        1. Rat Fink Post author

          Yep, from the 80s sometime. Hated it then, hate it now.

          I do like some of Dylan’s stuff. In fact, his “Positively 4th Street” is one of my favorite tunes from that era. Well-written, and it fits his voice perfectly. He’s got one of those “throw it out there and see what it does” type voices. Carefree (or careless) and uninhibited. Really “conversational,” which I like.

          Except when he tries to sound like Mack Davis, like on Lay Lady Lay. :P

          Reply
  4. Krissy

    Taylor Swift’s voice drives me completely insane. I like the song lyrics, and I like the music itself, but her voice reminds me of nails on chalkboard.

    Reply
    1. Rat Fink Post author

      Truthfully Krissy, I wouldn’t know her voice if it jumped up and bit me. I’ll have to get on YouTube and check it out.

      Reply
  5. Greg

    Or “Who Has Seen the Wind?” Yoko Ono. It was on the flip side of “Cold Turkey.” Had to be the worst recording of anything. Sounded like 10 cats in a bag with a weasel!

    Reply
    1. Rat Fink Post author

      She was really awful. One of those “it’s so horribly hideous that it must be really great avant-garde art” type things. :-)

      Reply
  6. Tom Hanks

    Yeah I know what you mean. I guess you’d have to be a Dylan fan to excuse the sound of his voice on all of Nashville Skyline. Have you heard his early early folk voice sound, like pre-times are a changin’, back when he only sang covers? Sorry this is more Bob Dylan that you want to talk about…and off subject!

    Other pop hits I hate: All Bon Jovi hits…every one.

    Reply
    1. Rat Fink Post author

      I must say I have not. I’ve seen a couple of early vids when he was playing the Village circa 1964, but that’s it. And the best thing about Jon Bon Jovi is his face. :-)

      Reply

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