Spill it.

Don’t be shy. We all have confessions to make. I don’t mean the kind that might get you into trouble, or cause undue embarrassment — feel free to keep those secret — but rather, the silly type, whereby people might question your judgment and taste, but not your mental stability. Heh.

I’ll start. You continue, k? One or two will be fine; y’all don’t have to appear as messed up as myself…

  1. I just don’t think Jerry Seinfeld is funny. (Sorry Stoney & Wendell.) The whiny, semi-loser, smirking Jewish guy with the expressionless eyes just doesn’t do it for me, as it apparently did for millions of others.
  2. I love the song “Stacy’s Mom” by Fountains of Wayne. I play it in the truck all the time, volume on 28.
  3. When I was little, I had a nightmare in which Abraham Lincoln was under my bed, and he grabbed my ankles. The horror has never left me. As a result (every night since 1968), I yank my feet up into my bed as fast as I can.
  4. I refuse to open a public door without grabbing my shirt or sweater sleeve and covering my hand with it so I don’t have to touch the handle or knob. When I am in short sleeves, I have been known to stand there, trying to figure out an alternate plan, or trying to jimmy it open without the use of any fingers. I look ridiculous.
  5. There are certain words I cannot bear to hear or say. I’m like the Knights who say “Ni.”

So yeah. Spill it. What makes you certifiable? I covet your responses. #6: I love to say that I “covet” this or that. I love the word; it has a nice mouth feel.

Fink out (of her mind, I know).

30 thoughts on “Spill it.

  1. Skylar

    Why Abraham Lincoln? /:)

    I don’t think I have anything worth confessing, possibly because I have no life outside of school and church. -.- Do you do that with the choir room door?

    1. Rat Fink

      I don’t know why…I suppose it could have been a lesson or film about him in school that day or something. And yes, I do it on *every* public door! On the choir room door, if I don’t have a sleeve handy, I just use my open palm to open it — careful to not wrap my fingers around the handle.

      Time perfects these little rituals. :-)

  2. Mavis

    I’m with you on the Seinfeld thing. Just don’t get it, I guess. I don’t like being in a room with all the curtains closed. I have to at least have one window I can see out. I have the same problem with putting my feet up quickly when I get into bed – thanks to “Penny Wise”. Too many more to post, I’m afraid.

  3. Kay

    Me too on Seinfeld, but I am very obnoxiously vocal about the absolute insanity that Bob thinks is down on the floor funny. But my question is why do I have to [and I mean it is a personal requirement] fold towels in thirds? The big questions of life….

    1. Rat Fink

      Um yeah…remember watching Pink Panther at my house??? We were like, “Tee hee,” and the guys were rupturing spleens.

  4. Stein

    1. I love, and probably always will love, goofy cartoons like Spongebob, Dexter’s Lab, Johnny Bravo, Looney Tunes, Fairly Oddparents, Rugrats, Rocko’s Modern Life, Ah! Real Monsters, etc. (Remember these old things???)

    2. I have more knowledge of cooking and interior design than I do of cars. I do not change my own oil. However, I can cook some of the greatest things you can imagine. I do not lack the ability to change my own oil. I merely find that it would get me dirty, and those who know me know how much I hate being dirty.

    3. I get excited for performances. I don’t mean nervous, either. I get excited for my students when they perform. It’s great to hear others work so hard and put so much of themselves into a craft in which they can pour their hearts and souls to create a thing of beauty. It’s exciting!

    1. Skylar

      They’re hardly old! I remember watching a lot of them. Some survived. (Unfortunately.) Rugrats went out because of All Grown Up. Looney Tunes will never be gone. :D

  5. Kristen

    I don’t think Jim Carrey is funny. Never have. Which, according to most people, is apparently the 8th deadly sin.
    And when I hang shirts up on hangers, the hook part absolutely HAS to be facing left when looking at the front of the shirt.

  6. Greg

    1. I loathe any type of reality TV–which would include American Idol, America’s Got Talent or Dancing with the Stars!!!
    2. The State of Michigan—it’s like driving into Beirut. Crummy highways, unfriendly natives who drive like they got their licenses from a fruit machine.
    3. People who over-pack for vacations! A person doesn’t need to change clothes six times a day! I’ve watched people arrive dockside for a cruise looking like Hyacinth Bucket (pronounced Boookay).
    4. Carillon arrangers who write bell notes so high that even dogs can’t hear them.
    5. Standing in any line more than 10 minutes!!

    1. Rat Fink

      I will tell you that Michigan interstates are awful. Absolutely terrible. I am convinced that the road surface is what initially caused my truck’s CD player to go wacky…just days after it was given to me as a gift.

  7. RD

    1. After reading your blog for yesterday, I thought I’d confess that I’d fallen for a “Nigerian 419” scam just to see if you’d believe me.
    2. As a kid I loved Roadrunner and Wiley Coyote. Guess that’s too violent for children today :-)
    3. I’m loathe to admit it but even after this horribly disappointing season, I’m still a Cubs fan.
    4. May I publicly admit that FNC is my news channel of choice?

    1. Rat Fink

      1. You wouldn’t fall for it, because you’d always ask me about it first and I wouldn’t let you! :P

      2. The Warner Brothers Merrie Melodies (Bugs, Daffy, Yosemite, Wile E. Coyote, Elmer, etc.) series positively flattens any other cartoon ever made, or that ever will be made. Period.

      3. Hey sure…that’s fine, and I don’t need to tell you why!

      4. You certainly may. Glenn Beck is a little too much for me (but I think he’s funny in a Mark-Russell-on-crack sorta way), but Shepard Smith is one good-looking anchor.

  8. Krissy

    1. I am horribly frightened by heights because of this terrible recurring dream where I just keep falling and falling.
    2. I love M*A*S*H and everyone my age always asks me what it is.

    1. Rat Fink

      Kristina, there are several textbooks I’ve read over the years that say humans are born with only two innate fears: loud noises, and falling. Could it be your falling
      fear somehow intensified via a scary experience, either in infancy or more recently?

      Let me know. That’ll be $120.

      Dr. Fink

      1. Krissy

        I fell out of the top bunk when I was 5. It was the most terrifying thing in the world to me. My parents and older brother had trouble convincing me to get back up into the bed and go back to sleep. Ever since then I’ve had that horrible dream.

  9. BoomR

    I don’t get Seinfeld either… add to that list the insanity that arises over Elvis. REALLY? And maybe one day we’ll have to share a glass of wine & you can help me to better understand that same level of insanity over The Beatles [ducking]

    I am also a choc-o-holic (as I write this, I’m munching a few Hershey’s dark chocolate kisses…they’re better for you!! Right??)

    Ditto for me on the public door thing… ESPECIALLY going in/out of public restrooms. I pray that any restroom to which I enter has paper towels to dry my hands – I keep the PT and use that to open the door on the way back out. If a bathroom only has hand dryers, I quickly examine “plan B”

    …and if I EVER hear another public official or person in the media say things like “irregardless,” “new-que-ler” (instead of nuclear), or “literally” when they don’t even need that modifier (or they really should be saying “actually”), I will just barf all over someone close by…


    1. Rat Fink Post author

      Preach it, Boom Boom.

      You do the paper towel trick too!! HA

      Hmmmm. I smell a Schmenglish post coming very soon….

  10. Stoney

    1. Clowns and monkeys freak me out.

    2. I have to mop my floors every weekend or I simply cannot go on.

    3. Do not understand why so many people I know think The Three Stooges are funny. They are not.

    1. Rat Fink Post author

      Agree on 1 and 3 (as you know, I have no knowledge of this cleaning/mopping ritual). I think with the Stooges, it’s like SNL skits from 1976-77…remember how we howled at them, and now some of them just aren’t really funny anymore because they’re dated? DGMW, a lot of them *are* still funny, but it’s like Cheech & Chong or George Carlin humor from back then…just not real relevant to today’s humor.

      That said, I think some Bob Hope jokes are still funny (corny, but amusing).

  11. Suzanne

    I have to agree that Seinfeld isn’t all that funny but I did like his show mainly because of some of the characters and storylines they had.

    I don’t like Bagpipes–no matter what song they are playing I get depressed.

    I don’t like to say things out loud that be like putting a jinx on something — like we’re riding along in the car and I say garsh we haven’t had a flat tire in like never and then *BLAM* flat tire. Ya know?

    I hate it when people loudly chew their gum in public; even worse if it’s someone who cracks it. Is that really necessary? Same with people who sniff and sniff–find a Kleenex already!

    And then there’s the whole mobile phone and calling/texting while with a bunch of people. Totally rude.


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