OK, no joke. I made a list this morning.

As my exams get closer every day, I am sliding ever-so-slightly higher on the freakout scale. I know I won’t pass them this time around, so why get all ate up with the, well, you know…

Still, it’s in my DNA to rail against possible (and, in this case, probable) failure. So I made a list to get me through the day. It reads:

1. Return emails
2. Write blog post
3. Finish rhythm section parts
4. Write out philosophy question outline
5. Call Lisa re Schubert analysis
6. Start chili

As you can see, I’m on #2. Progress!

But the real question is…how long can I keep this up? I have, on the rare occasion, written down a list or two in the past. They always get pushed aside, thrown away, or just ignored. Why am I so disciplined in my rehearsals and where my career is concerned, but I can’t follow a simple list to its completion? That is a question for people with intelligence far above my pay grade, I’m afraid.

So now that #2 is done, it’s time to finish those rhythm section parts, or my bass player (a student) is going to stage a walkout. Regarding my guitar player and drummer (Lars and #1 Son)…they couldn’t care less. They’d sight-read the gig. HA

Fink (crossing) out (list item #2).

Another sleepless night, but I’m going in late today because of an appointment. I like the occasional extended at-home time. I’ve read a lot since 3 this morning, before getting some studying done.

Couple nights ago, Joaquin Phoenix performed at a Miami club. Says Entertainment Weekly:

Another chapter in Joaquin Phoenix’s car crash of a rap career and/or prank-ish Andy Kaufman-style art project was written last night. While performing at a Miami Beach club the heavily bearded Walk the Line star became upset at an audience member and jumped off the stage. The ensuing mayhem can be witnessed below. Footage was also, once again, captured by Casey Affleck who has been documenting Phoenix’s unlikely new musical career, leading many to conclude that the whole thing is some sort of elaborate practical joke.”

Gee, ya think? Of course, several videos have been pulled because of “copyright violations.” Riiiight. That’s because Casey boy is going to make a movie about all this nonsense. *yawn* Next…

This is amazing. And awful. Advance through the pictures and watch the expressions on the men’s faces.

Now there are some nasty ways to put an end to one’s own life, I’ll grant you. But I must say that jumping over the railing into Niagara Falls has to rank right up there in my book. Have you ever been there? You can’t imagine the power of that water until you stand at that concrete and steel railing and peer over the edge as the water rushes over the cliff. It’s both mesmerizing and horrifying.

Anyway, imagine watching someone do this right before your eyes. What would you do? I would freak. I’d run around in a circle like Chicken Little. Creepier still, the guy reportedly refused help from rescuers. Very sad when someone’s that despondent.

Finally, a real shame. More and more newspapers are shutting down. I am one of the reasons, I admit it. I read my news only online, even though I subscribe to my local newspaper (the Thriller reads the physical paper; I access it only through its website). But people get lots of news everywhere for free, so of course the local publishers are feeling it bigtime. And I don’t mean just the small-town dailies; the crunch is smashing the big boys, too.

And another facet of Americana hits the skids in the name of progress.

OK, back to work. Happy Friday the 13th. Be careful out there.

FO

Photo credit: Rolf Hicker

Burnout.

For years, it’s been an accepted fact (backed up by research that I’m too lazy to locate right now) that teachers “burn out” at their jobs faster than any other profession. And within that group of people, secondary choir and band directors suffer the fastest and most pervasive attrition. I know a lot of former band and choir directors who are now administrators, or selling insurance, or working for educational tour providers or fund-raising companies.

Some of you can empathize. Others can sympathize. Still others might disagree. For instance, the Thriller worked for the IRS for 12 years. He would tell you that being a manager for a government entity hated by most of the populace is more stressful than just about any other job. He might be right, but still, the research bears out my claim.

I’m all for agreeing that there are jobs with incredibly high stress levels; I just think it’s worth mentioning that teachers — especially those whose work is put out for the general public to evaluate at will — do the high stress with really low pay. Sometimes (not always), that makes a diff.

But as I’m sure you know, most teachers aren’t in it for the money. What a silly statement, actually. Saying you’re in it for the money would be, well, silly. ‘Cuz there ain’t any.

All that said, I know I am fortunate, in that I have a job in this economy. I also have relative job security (insofar as I am tenured, which would likely do diddly in a huge budget avalanche, but…), and as far as I can tell, I’m managing to put out a decent product/result. Or at least not poor enough to get fired. I’ll even go further and say that my situation is excellent. I have supportive bosses, colleagues and parents. I basically want for nothing (well, except a decent performance space).

Another profession that comes to mind when thinking about low pay and high stress is that of social work. If I was cornered, I’d have to admit that social workers have it worse than teachers. I don’t know what their attrition rate is, but many of them don’t make more than the average public school teacher, and the emotional carnage they have to witness every day makes me admire them all the more. Pastors also fight the good fight for not much pay. And while we’re at it, let’s include food service workers and retail employees. How do they support a family?

Still, I can only speak from my own experience. I don’t “leave work at work.” I think that’s a biggy for me. My dad was a cost accountant. He did his job well (and was paid well for it), but at 6 p.m., he left the office and came home and relaxed. I allow my work — and everything associated with it — to follow me home. I know a lot of you do as well, regardless of your career choice.

Somehow, we have to learn to quit doing that, because it makes your brain start up at 2:50 a.m. Then you’re up for the day.

Yippy.

Fink out (to the kitchen to make the coffee).