It’s all the rage

Hey, I want to quit acting, too. Everyone who’s anyone is either doing it, threatening to do it, or talking about it to get press. I can’t keep up with Hollyweird trends. First it’s Scientology, then colonics (eww), Kabbalah, acai berry…what next? Buncha bandwagon jockeys, the lot. It’s a head spinna.

But back to the quitters. Look at the ever-growing list:

  1. Joaquin Phoenix – he’s concentrating on his music. Or is he?
  2. Nicole Kidman – she’s thinking about having more children instead. Err, wait. Maybe not. She’s under contract for at least two more major releases after Australia. One article I read featured the following reader comment: Whoever will they find to speak breathy and act flabbergasted in movies now? HAA
  3. Diane Lanehates the parts she’s been getting.
  4. Angelina Jolie – she wants to fade away and become a grandmother. Nah, just kiddin’. It was another publicity stunt. (Sorry, but I’m about as sick of seeing the “Jolie-Pitts” everywhere as I am of seeing these guys.)
  5. Nicolas Cage – acting turned him into a monster.
  6. Eddie Murphy – wants to do stage acting and standup.
  7. Gary Oldman – now that would be depressing. Seeing as how the article is over a year old, I hope he’s changed his mind.
  8. Alec Baldwin – couldn’t happen fast enough for me, pal. You said that a year ago and you’re still around — what’s the hold-up?

See, the thing is: don’t threaten to quit. Just QUIT. Bow out gracefully and quietly. Make people wonder aloud where you went, rather than when you’re going to actually leave.

The Thriller and I used to do the IRC thing pretty regularly back in the early days of internet chat (yes, before AOL), when everyone was on dialup. [In fact, read the sentence at the top of the original IRC Primer page. Heh. 93k — I dunno, that might take awhile.] Anyway, we’d be in a channel talking to friends, and some meanyhead would come in and cause trouble. When he/she was given a hard time by the other folks, we’d all get a rambling swan song — the “I Quit!” tirade. Snoozer. Just L-E-A-V-E if you’re leaving. Don’t announce it, fuh cripesake.

Oh, by the way — I’m leaving now, and don’t even try and stop me. I mean it. I’m really going. Right now.

Fink out (I quit!).

5 thoughts on “It’s all the rage

  1. PK Pudlin

    One sewing and crafting board I frequent had a rash of indignant tirades a while back and we just started calling them YAGE – (yet another grand exit). I’m afraid if I made one they’d just say “Don’t let the screen door hit you on the backside on your way out.” *sigh* ‘Course, most of them came back after they got over their mad spell. I liked the list of actors we would _like_ to see quit at the bottom of the Joaquin Phoenix article. Actually have a few additions of my own to that list. Fodder for another day, I suppose.

    PK

    Reply
  2. TRO

    Australia is going to be a bomb like all Kidman movies. Please let her quit soon. The same for Angelina Jolie, an overrated actress if ever there was one. Her looks are what she has and they are going fast – plus who wants to look at a walking tattoo billboard? I actually like Alec Baldwin despite his politics and off-screen antics – he is a great comedic actor. Finally, Diane Lane – hubba, hubba – give her some naked parts.

    Reply
  3. Rat Fink Post author

    PK – I say let ‘er rip! My top two on the “We Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Leave” list: Will Farrell and Adam Sandler.

    TRO – I also think Diane Lane is beautiful (although I’m not sure I’d love the naked part). :-)

    Reply
  4. Kody

    I just want to to stick up for Alec Baldwin for a second. He tried to quit acting last year, but NBC wouldn’t let him out of his 30 Rock contract. Which, if you ask me, is a great thing. 30 Rock is hilarious. And I think I’m going to take a page out of the Joaquin Phoenix handbook. So, when I start acting all weird, like I’m on drugs or something, I’ll just coyly remind you that I’m not on drugs… I’m just a musician. In case you couldn’t read into that… I think Joaquin Phoenix is on lots and lots of drugs. It’s the only thing that explain his new beard.

    Reply
  5. Mathew

    Heh, I have to go against TRO here because I actually like Angelina Jolie. But I also like tattoos so that I’m sure affects things.

    Also, Eddie Murphy should go back to stand-up. He used to be good.

    Finally, IRC==win;

    Reply

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