Hey, I want to quit acting, too. Everyone who’s anyone is either doing it, threatening to do it, or talking about it to get press. I can’t keep up with Hollyweird trends. First it’s Scientology, then colonics (eww), Kabbalah, acai berry…what next? Buncha bandwagon jockeys, the lot. It’s a head spinna.
But back to the quitters. Look at the ever-growing list:
- Joaquin Phoenix – he’s concentrating on his music. Or is he?
- Nicole Kidman – she’s thinking about having more children instead. Err, wait. Maybe not. She’s under contract for at least two more major releases after Australia. One article I read featured the following reader comment: Whoever will they find to speak breathy and act flabbergasted in movies now? HAA
- Diane Lane – hates the parts she’s been getting.
- Angelina Jolie – she wants to fade away and become a grandmother. Nah, just kiddin’. It was another publicity stunt. (Sorry, but I’m about as sick of seeing the “Jolie-Pitts” everywhere as I am of seeing these guys.)
- Nicolas Cage – acting turned him into a monster.
- Eddie Murphy – wants to do stage acting and standup.
- Gary Oldman – now that would be depressing. Seeing as how the article is over a year old, I hope he’s changed his mind.
- Alec Baldwin – couldn’t happen fast enough for me, pal. You said that a year ago and you’re still around — what’s the hold-up?
See, the thing is: don’t threaten to quit. Just QUIT. Bow out gracefully and quietly. Make people wonder aloud where you went, rather than when you’re going to actually leave.
The Thriller and I used to do the IRC thing pretty regularly back in the early days of internet chat (yes, before AOL), when everyone was on dialup. [In fact, read the sentence at the top of the original IRC Primer page. Heh. 93k — I dunno, that might take awhile.] Anyway, we’d be in a channel talking to friends, and some meanyhead would come in and cause trouble. When he/she was given a hard time by the other folks, we’d all get a rambling swan song — the “I Quit!” tirade. Snoozer. Just L-E-A-V-E if you’re leaving. Don’t announce it, fuh cripesake.
Oh, by the way — I’m leaving now, and don’t even try and stop me. I mean it. I’m really going. Right now.
Fink out (I quit!).