Can't wait to scissor these things off for the last timeIt was good to get yesterday out of the way. The Thriller is understandably weary (Opdivo side effect), and we discussed his getting a port in his chest for the treatments, instead of being needle-mined every two weeks. I’d post a photo of his arms, but I’m assuming most of you are reading this over morning coffee/breakfast, so… :-D

Opdivo day started rather inauspiciously, but snarly traffic at 9:30 a.m. into Cleveland followed by a 3,000-year wait in the outer rooms while seemingly dozens of people who arrivedĀ after us were summoned sort of put me in a snippity mood (that wasn’t the case, of course, but still). It wasn’t my finest hour. I made it about me instead of him. I got to read the news on my phone while he endured the endless poking and jabbing.

I had asked our clinical trial nurse if I could speak to Dr. Velcheti when I got up there, and she responded that the best thing might be to just call him, so I’d decided to do that. When we got back to the exam room, intending to see the trial nurse and physician assistant only, Kayla appeared and summoned me into the hallway. She took me to a room, and there stood Dr. V, Erin the PA, and another doctor, ready to hear my questions and take their time with me. I almost got two sentences out before I bawled like the fool that I am.

The object of my love and hate

I asked some questions that had been on my mind and the minds of Michael’s children, and got some good feedback. The Amazing Velcheti showed me some comparative scans, and told me that if the Opdivo didn’t work, there were other options to consider, which made me happy. It didn’t solve the ugly-crying issue, but I went back to the exam room with some renewed hope and resolve. Of course, the Thriller immediately said, “Why are you crying??” Oh, I dunno. Sometimes, what can’t be spoken with your mouth falls out your eyes. That, and I’m a big fat crybaby.

I hate that you have to get poison to destroy poison. I also hate that the poison they give you doesn’t always kill the poison that’s in you. Still, I’m grateful he has Opdivo as an option, and that he’s tolerating it bravely and resolutely.

As the Thriller is wont to say: Onward through the fog.

Sidebar: theĀ stage floor was painted yesterday. Looks nice!

Much love today,


8 thoughts on “Onward

  1. Suzanne

    Awww sweetie don’t get down on yourself for being an emotional person. You, Michael, and the family have been so strong through all of this. It’s understandable that you will have moments of uncertainty and frustration and it’s healthier to express it and let it go. That wasn’t your first “moment” and won’t be the last. I’m just glad I am a bazillion miles away from your wrath (haha j/k you know I’d give anything to be there for you!)

    Hugs and kisses to you both!

  2. Deb Clemons

    Do not get upset with yourself for crying…my dear, you are allowed. We all have moments or days of frustration. Just let it out and move on. You all have been so strong thru all of this. I continue to offer up many prayers for all of you. You got this! And I highly recommend the placement of a port. It is a lot easier than an IV and they can give you cream to numb the port before it is accessed, you don’t feel a thing.

  3. Heidi Frey

    Well my dear friend reading your words this morning reminds me of so much of what we went through as well. However, before Mike ever had his first chemo treatment they did put a port in and I will tell you it was easy for him to get his treatments that way. If you have the option to, consider it it is easier on all of you. The tears you are right that is exactly how I release my anxiety and I cry easily too. Luckily whenever we spoke to a physician there were Kleenex nearby. I think they know how difficult this can be for families to go through so let your emotions out it’s healthy. Our daughter ended up getting an eight pack of those little Kleenex packets you can keep in your purse I used them all. This journey is by no way easy but just stay focused and stay strong. Our prayers are lifting Team Thriller up for success in the end. Much love and hugs to you both on this journey.

  4. David

    The odyssey long, with many curves, bumps and delays! Nothing ever said it needed to be taken all the while grinning!
    My bet, my heart, my prayers are with the two of you for you are both stronger than you believe!
    Fair winds and following seas my sea dog Brother!


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