There’s freakish…

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….and then there’s truly freakish.

Freakish:

Ok what is THAT all about? I mean, I understand it’s a “kissing shield” or whatever, but why? Why not just hug or shake hands? And what do you do with the thing after you’re done with it? Ewww.

Sheesh. Only in Hollyweird.

Disclaimer to the skittish and easily riled: I make no religious judgments. Rather, I just comment on what I think is strange, creepy, troubling or simply wacko. So, if you’re a Scientologist, rock on. To each his own, and all that.

Truly Freakish:

The religion is Scientology. Its scripture: the writings of L. Ron Hubbard. According to Scientology’s official website, the religion is based on an individual’s personal and spiritual growth. Fine. They list in their “Creeds and Codes” that all humans have a right to their own ideas and goals. Fine again.

But then, there’s the Xenu weirdness, wherein Hubbard postulates that 75 million years ago, an alien named Xenu came to earth, and…well, just click the link and read about it. Apparently, the Xenu documents were hidden from view until people began extricating themselves from Scientology (because, among other things, one has to buy one’s way to the next level of “clarity”). They have since become public record.

And somebody has gone to extreme research lengths to produce this site. It’s fascinating reading for sure; I spent 2 hours last night lost in it. The links are flipping endless.

The whole “E-Meter” thing is totally weird, too:

Of course Travolta’s an “OT III” level. He paid six figures to get there. The consistent thread I observed in all my reading was that many of the Scientology members interviewed are celebrities, business executives, TV and movie producers, doctors, attorneys; in other words, people with money. And you need money to advance through the levels. It’s a flavor of bizarre around which I am having trouble wrapping my reptilian brain.

That’s ok though. I get that a lot. I think I’ll read some more today, in hopes of having a Tom Cruise moment of ultimate clarity. Then, perhaps, I won’t come across as so terribly glib.

Fink out.

Photo credit: Associated Press; LA Times

Things That Make Me Happy

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(First, let’s assume that the top of the list is occupied bigtime by my family, my friends, and my students.)

Last night and this morning, I realized there are lots of things that offer me comfort, fun, relaxation, convenience — and interesting reading, if nothing else.

Things That Make Me Happy (in random order)

  1. The Wal-Mart Photo Center. How cool is it to upload your Jakey photos, check a few boxes to order different sizes, and have them ready for pick-up a few days later? I know lots of folks wail on the Wally, and for some good reasons, but you can’t beat this service for convenience, unless you have a really good photo printer at home (which I don’t).
  2. Online shopping. Truly, during the Christmas insanity that rules my life and job, it’s spectacular.
  3. Quiet time. The Thriller stays up late and sleeps in usually till around 8 a.m. That leaves me with the 4:30 – 6:00 a.m. slot for coffee, reading, returning emails, and most importantly – Rockin’ the Bourgeoisie.
  4. Getting prezzies in the mail. Books, especially. But a recent amazing gifty contained two other great loves of my life: software and coffee. (Wave to BoomR — how are you feeling, luv?)
  5. Cooking and baking for the holidays. Mostly because I hope to get to spend some fun time with the girls in the family. Not that the boys can’t cook or bake — we just don’t want them in the kitchen with us, getting in the way, changing the subject, putting their fingers in stuff and generally being pests.
  6. Giving gifts. And wrapping them up all pretty beforehand. My fam will tell you I’m relatively good at it.
  7. Reading before turning out the lights. It’s the last thing I do every night; I don’t think I could go to sleep without it.
  8. The last day of school before Christmas break. It’s stress-free, usually, and everyone’s happy and in the holiday spirit.
  9. Snow days. Not because I want to get out of school (I’m usually too obsessive about missed rehearsals for that), but because of the quiet in the early morning, before the snow plows get going. My street and yard look peaceful and pretty, and since no buses run, there’s not as much activity on the roads.
  10. My good fortune. I’m not wealthy, God knows. I’m a public school teacher with a semi-retired husband. Most of the time, I’m in a panic about school loans, rising fuel and food costs, and whether or not the Mighty Ford Ranger is going to make it another school year of 22 miles one way to work. But still, I have family and friends who love me, and isn’t that what it’s about, really?

So what are some things that make you happy? I covet your lists.

Fink out.

Dangling the carrot

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So last night around dinner time, #1 Son text-messages me:

Watchin NBC news-theres a rumor the browns want to hire Cowher-8 million contract

“Whaaaat?” was my response. So the Thriller and I turned on the set, and when the sports report came on, sure enough, there it was, albeit just a few words about it. Hmmm.

Philomaths, start your search engines.

What I learned was both interesting and disappointing. See, I don’t think Romeo’s the guy. He’s a class act, but after what — 4 seasons now? — with the team, they still can’t make it happen. Any GM (even Browns General Manager Phil Savage, who, by the way, got into a little trouble of his own a couple of days ago) needs to believe that after giving a coach a fair shot and the team still can’t win, other plans need to be considered.

So here’s the deal. The rumor says that someone “close to the organization” has reported that:

  1. The Browns front office is talking to former Pittsburgh Steelers coach Bill Cowher, and is prepared to offer him a contract between $8 and $12 million.
  2. Cowher has just recently purchased a home in Strongsville, a suburb of Cleveland.

Well now, I just had to check all that out. And here’s what I found:

This particular rumor has been around for awhile. Last night, I read posts on forums about it dating back to September of 2007. The earliest mention of it was in 1998, when the Browns were poised for reinstatement to the NFL after being ripped away from Cleveland and given to the highest bidder out there in Maryland somewheres. Says the New York Times article from ’98:

Last week, Pittsburgh Coach Bill Cowher, at an impasse with the Steelers over a contract extension, indicated he might try to be general manager and coach of the Browns.

Well, as we all know, that didn’t happen — just like it probably won’t happen now, at least in the foreseeable future, for a minimum of two reasons:

  1. The Rooney Rule, which states that any team looking to hire a head coach must interview at least one minority candidate. If everyone knows the Browns are after Cowher, who’d sign up for an interview?
  2. Cowher will want to run the show, and there’s been no indication from what I can find that Savage has been threatened with termination.

Personally, I’d like to see Angry Man With Strange Looking Chin come to Cleveland. (And apparently, so would a lot of other people.) We haven’t had a decent coach since Marty Schottenheimer.

Fink out.

PS – a Friday extra: Peter Pan Gone Horribly, Devastatingly Wrong

Friday extra #2: “It’s all Rousseau’s fault, Grammie.”

Image credits: AP Photo/Peter Diama, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette; Theo Wargo, wireimage.com

It’s all the rage

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Hey, I want to quit acting, too. Everyone who’s anyone is either doing it, threatening to do it, or talking about it to get press. I can’t keep up with Hollyweird trends. First it’s Scientology, then colonics (eww), Kabbalah, acai berry…what next? Buncha bandwagon jockeys, the lot. It’s a head spinna.

But back to the quitters. Look at the ever-growing list:

  1. Joaquin Phoenix – he’s concentrating on his music. Or is he?
  2. Nicole Kidman – she’s thinking about having more children instead. Err, wait. Maybe not. She’s under contract for at least two more major releases after Australia. One article I read featured the following reader comment: Whoever will they find to speak breathy and act flabbergasted in movies now? HAA
  3. Diane Lane – hates the parts she’s been getting.
  4. Angelina Jolie – she wants to fade away and become a grandmother. Nah, just kiddin’. It was another publicity stunt. (Sorry, but I’m about as sick of seeing the “Jolie-Pitts” everywhere as I am of seeing these guys.)
  5. Nicolas Cage – acting turned him into a monster.
  6. Eddie Murphy – wants to do stage acting and standup.
  7. Gary Oldman – now that would be depressing. Seeing as how the article is over a year old, I hope he’s changed his mind.
  8. Alec Baldwin – couldn’t happen fast enough for me, pal. You said that a year ago and you’re still around — what’s the hold-up?

See, the thing is: don’t threaten to quit. Just QUIT. Bow out gracefully and quietly. Make people wonder aloud where you went, rather than when you’re going to actually leave.

The Thriller and I used to do the IRC thing pretty regularly back in the early days of internet chat (yes, before AOL), when everyone was on dialup. [In fact, read the sentence at the top of the original IRC Primer page. Heh. 93k — I dunno, that might take awhile.] Anyway, we’d be in a channel talking to friends, and some meanyhead would come in and cause trouble. When he/she was given a hard time by the other folks, we’d all get a rambling swan song — the “I Quit!” tirade. Snoozer. Just L-E-A-V-E if you’re leaving. Don’t announce it, fuh cripesake.

Oh, by the way — I’m leaving now, and don’t even try and stop me. I mean it. I’m really going. Right now.

Fink out (I quit!).

Weird Wednesday III

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Ugh. Up since 2:45. But hey, I’m not one to complain. Gotta get up anyway, right?

:-)

Today’s weirdness is called Shuh-Mo Me the Money.

First, I say this: In my opinion, Michael Jackson was one of the most amazing entertainers in popular music history; genius, both in the studio and on the stage. I think it’s become hip for all the Kool Kids to dislike him and his music for the most part nowadays, and that makes me sad because many times, folks can’t separate the artist from the art. Or they don’t want to, or don’t know how, or don’t believe it’s possible. It’s also entirely acceptable that people just don’t like his music. Whatev.

So yeah, I (and a lot of others) believe that Jackson is talented, but I also think he’s a three-dollar bill. And a smart one at that. Behold…

Remember a few years ago, when he was up on molestation charges? Well, I recall wondering to myself, “Why did he go to Bahrain to escape, of all places in the world?” I thought it was bizarre, but I considered the source and went on with my life.

Ah, but hindsight is a great teacher, Grasshopper. Looky what we got here:

Apparently, MJ took refuge in the home (or in one of the homes) of Sheikh Abdulla, son of the king of Bahrain. Since Jacko was down on his financial luck, he promised the Sheikh the moon and stars in return for enjoying a lifestyle any prince would envy. The guy not only ponied up the cash to pay overdue Neverland bills, but also sprung for a $350,000 vacation for MJ and his pals, and a $500,000 advance for his living expenses upon his arrival in the Arab kingdom. He even paid for visits from a “mind mapper” to help Jackson focus his brain — at $37,000 a crack. HA

Jackson allegedly entered into a contract to do a recording project with the Sheikh (who is an amateur musician), as well as a tell-all biography that was supposed to net the pair major green.

Then, and I don’t know why, MJ got his fill of it all and bolted. Enter the lawyers and the litigation, to the tune of $7 million. Jackson is wide-eyed and kerfluffled: “I thought it was all a gift!” Shyeah. And the Big 3 are gonna manage their money really really well this time. Promise.

So, what happened here? Cynical minds could think this:

  1. Jackson needs a place to lay low, and the Sheikh, eager for the chance to schmooze with his idol, rolls out the welcome mat.
  2. Jackson plays along with the Sheikh’s big dream, telling the guy, “Sure, we can do a record together, and then write a book and a musical. Whatever you want.” With that promise, Sheikh becomes Sugar Daddy and pays all Michael’s outstanding bills.
  3. Ten months later, tired of life at the palace and ready to get back to his career, MJ bids the Sheikh a fond farewell and skips town. Thanks for the hospitality, gotta hit the road.
  4. Sheikh Abdulla, now at the anger stage of his grief process, wants his money back.

And, not surprisingly, Jackson is now “too sick” to make the trip to testify at the trial. He wants to stay in LA and talk by video instead.

I don’t know — I could be all wet. It’s all conjecture until after the trial. But I’d be hard pressed to concede that money didn’t have anything to do with his visit in the first place. I mean, Thrilla was broke, and being roasted by the press. What better way to continue in the lifestyle to which he had become accustomed than to shack with the Sheikh and wait for things to die down stateside?

I guess we’ll find out, as yet another saga unfolds in the life of Michael Jackson. You know, the guy who still maintains he’s never had any surgery done on his face except to repair his nose so he could sing better.

Image credits: BBC, Ebony magazine, Associated Press, bahraingateway.org