Category Archives: Rant

Sometimes I like Mondays.

Like today, for instance. While most everyone else goes back to work, I don’t. I like that. Actually, I am going to work, but not because I have to. Am I mental?

And sometimes, I must admit that I experience a bit of schadenfreude. Actually, I did this morning. Sorry, fiends: I have little tolerance for our boy Kanye West (sorry Kodye). For the record, I also hate the moronic South Park, but I gotta tell ya I laughed when I read that West got his comeuppance from the SP writers when they lampooned (read: lambasted) him on Wednesday’s episode for being completely and utterly out of touch, arrogant and narcissistic.

And honestly — “KanyeUniverseCity.com” ??? Who thought up that gem? Hmmm. Bet I know.

All right. In his defense, he appears to have taken the South Park slam to heart (bout time, Yeezy), by saying in his blog, in all CAPS (which I won’t do here):

[I need to] get past myself. I just want to be a doper person which starts with me not always telling people how dope I think I am.”

Well. There it is.

Head-scratcher: It took an idiotic, perverse cartoon to convince him that he’s a schmuck? And please, don’t post the Andy Kauffman “it’s all an act” theory. I will blast you. Too much evidence to the contrary. But again…some of his antics are borderline entertaining. Can you get through the following video (shot in Paris after he debuted his Louis Vuitton-inspired sneakers at a fashion show) without thinking “man on crack?”

Heh. Silly, but not surprising, coming from a guy who says his only regret is not being able to watch himself perform live.

Kanye, baby — there’s gotta be a way. Keep working on it.

FO

Say what you want…

…but they’re only in it for themselves.

Say what you want…

…but it’s the nose and mouth. Something about Maggie Gyllenhaal has always, always bugged me. Throughout The Dark Knight, I just felt…I dunno…out of sorts when I looked at her. She was distracting to watch. Anyway, last night I saw (and was bothered again by) a picture of her on the New York Post website. I then decided to find out what exactly it is about Maggie that makes me go, “hmm, somethin’ be off.”

So I quick-and-dirty Paint Shopped Ashley Olsen’s nose and mouth onto Maggie’s face, and air-brushed those mighty mighty cheek craters. I must say, the result was actually pretty. I arrived at my answer. A little rhinoplasty here, a little lip collagen there…just a little is all. Like salt.

I know, I know…you all like her just as she is, because she’s “cute” and not a “standard Hollywood plastic beauty.” Come on, Dad, just having a little fun here.

In fact, wanna see what I’d look like morphed with Brooke Shields? My eyes, her eye color, brows and lips, and a combination of our noses. In other words — mostly her. I’d take that.

Or how about me mixed with Al Pacino?

Heh. I love that site.

Fink out.

:-)

Sunday stuff

Happy Sunday — Hey, here’s something funny to start your day: The Browns are on Monday Night Football tomorrow.

Heh.

So the Thriller went out last night and picked up some of Jakey’s presents. (Clicky)

Just as I predicted…Tonka stuff (recommended for ages 3+), similar to what the Thriller used to play with back in 1955. I think it’s fabulous, though. He’ll love them. Jakey, I mean. And did you know that “Tonka” means “great” in the Sioux language? Well, now you do.

Sam, I will check out the Mozart thing, thanks! And Michael…read your email about the drumset idea…

OK, a rant for today. Unfunded mandates are the bane of public education. And sometimes, they’re just dumb.

First let me say that I feel awful for the family of little Jarod Bennett. I cannot imagine in my most ghastly nightmares the horror of losing a child. As a result of Jarod’s terrible accident at school (when a folded-up cafeteria table wobbled and fell on him, killing him), former Ohio governor Bob Taft signed into existence Jarod’s Law in 2005.

I don’t have a problem with enacting safety laws for schools. I mean, I completely agree with having cafeteria tables chained to the wall when not in use. I completely agree with not allowing students to move TV carts or computer stations or whatever. Not a problem with me.

However…

As a result of Jarod’s Law, we now have to fill out MSDS forms on everything in our classrooms. And I mean everything, including, but not limited to:

  • Dry-erase markers (because kids could mistake them for lollipops and start sucking the ink out)
  • Lotion (because kids could mistake it for Gatorade)
  • Anti-bacterial hand cleaner (because students could mistake it for Visine)

We (teachers & administrators) are further insulted by the law’s admonishments that:

  1. Coffee pots be placed in areas that are not easily accessible to students
  2. Classroom exits be clear of debris and trip hazards
  3. Rooms containing dangerous chemicals be locked when not in use

Some have said that the law was necessary, because people are innately stupid and if there’s no law to remind them to use their brains, they won’t. Well, I submit that the mere existence of law does not necessarily make adherence a no-brainer. (Ya think??) I mean, come on. What happened to common sense? If you have sulfuric acid in your room, don’t leave it out on the counter top when you go to lunch. Do they not teach this in chemistry classes?

It’s truly sad that people will put $10 in petty cash in a locked safe, but leave dangerous folded-up cafeteria tables out where elementary school kids can play on them. **Side note here: why are kids playing on folded-up cafeteria tables in the first place? Why are they unsupervised in the cafeteria?** I guess that’s the reality behind Jarod’s Law. So it’s come to this. We have to legislate basic cognitive functions. Yark…I need a drink.

Speaking of chemicals: the chemistry teacher at my high school told me that his MSDS forms folder is over 300 pages long. And what does updating one’s MSDS folder entail? Looking up (and many times, not finding) the exact name brand of your bottle of rubbing alcohol or white board cleaner, printing out the MSDS safety sheet on it, punching a hole in it, and putting it in a plastic binder so you can display it when the Jarod’s Law people come to inspect your room twice a year.

So what am I doing today? The Thriller and I are going to my classroom to make sure everything’s in order for tomorrow’s inspection. We’re cleaning out cabinets and storage spaces, and I am removing every ounce of hand lotion, hand sanitizer and Windex that I ever stored anywhere in my room. I have my generic MSDS forms already in their display folder; I will play the good little soldier and do what I’m told tomorrow for when Big Brother comes to inspect.

And did I mention Jarod’s Law is yet another unfunded mandate by the state government? (Translation: the state legislature makes up new crap, and the schools get to pay for it. No wonder nobody will ever pass another levy.)

And that’s all for today, because, well, I have to get ready to go to school. Nice. I know, I’m crabby. But after tomorrow night, you’ll see a new me, promise!

Fink out.

Leagues of extraordinary egotism

  • They weren’t taught how to behave correctly. WRONG
  • They are the best at what they do; cut them some slack. NOPE
  • They aren’t paid to be role models. FAIL

Say what you like, but it won’t change the truth. [Just like my ranting about it won’t change it.] Once again, the consummate arrogance and sheer stupidity of some pro athletes overshadows any positive force the genuine leaders display. The levels of spoiled-bratism in the NFL, MLB and NBA have risen to such ridiculous heights, even sports writers and commentators who’ve “seen it all” are raising an eyebrow.

The list of perps is too long to include here. It’s a shame in the first place that the list is long, but let me predict right here and now that it’s only going to get longer. Epidemics work like that. Anyway, here’s a taste:

#1 – Stephon Marbury

If you have a beef with your employer, refusing to go to work and making your colleagues pull your share of the responsibility is not the way to handle it. So what if Stephon has issues with the way he was being handled by the Knicks? Take care of that business during the daytime, but go to work and “tough it out” for $190,000 a night with your mates, regardless of the picayune details that seem crucial to you. At a time when people are losing their jobs in record numbers in this country, behavior like this strikes a particularly sour note. Get over yourself and do your job.

#2 – Manny Ramirez

After crossing his arms and planting his butt on the bench in Boston because things didn’t go his way, the Red Sox paid him $7 million to leave. Poor Manny.

But hey, look at the bright side. He won an award. He and fellow ding-dong Roger Clemens were top contenders for the 2008 Gobblers.

#3 – Allen Iverson

Well you can’t blame a guy for trying. I mean, I’d hate to have to work on Thanksgiving Day. Being an incredibly highly-paid school teacher, I revel in getting that day off. But I haven’t always. I’ve worked in retail, and as a waitress. I’ve worked on Christmas, Easter, New Year’s Day, and yes — Thanksgiving Day. It bit, but I did what I had to do, just like everyone else. Er, almost everyone else.

Allen apparently didn’t appreciate having to work on Thanksgiving Day, so he just took the day off, without calling anyone. At least he apologized for it later (but come on, admit it: it’s always easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission).

Bottom line, Al: if you don’t like the work schedule, get a different job.

#4 – Chad “Ocho Cinco” Johnson

OK, cut him some slack. He showed up late to a Bengals team meeting. Come on, he was tired. So he sat there in the chair and slouched like a pouting 5-year-old, and when he was told repeatedly by a coach to sit up and act like a man, he got up and left, earning himself a one-game suspension. Boo hoo.

All joking aside (was I joking?), it’s uncanny how out of touch some of these guys really are. You’d think that, since most of them came from (at best) regular, working-class families, they’d have a bit more perspective. And I know all about having money thrown at them from all sides, the instant riches and everything that goes with it, blah, blah…but somehow, all the “coaching” these young players get from their betters regarding on- and off-the-field behavior doesn’t quite sink in with many of them. Offending fans with cosmically stupid statements doesn’t seem to bother them, either. From a great article in the Baltimore Sun:

“I got my family to feed.” — former Timberwolves swingman Latrell Sprewell, as he turned down a 3-year, $21 million extension in 2004.

“Sure, we might make a lot of money, but we spend a lot of money, too.” — former Knicks forward Patrick Ewing, during the 1999 lockout.

“When you’re rich, you don’t write checks. … Straight cash, homey.” — then-Vikings receiver Randy Moss in 2005, about how he would pay a fine for mooning Packers fans.

“It’s a sad day for me. Our paychecks will be cut in half.” — Vikings defensive end Jared Allen, after Obama’s election. (?????)

“If I wasn’t making so much money, the fans would show a little compassion. … It would be a blessing to be a typical jock.” — Giants pitcher Barry Zito.

You’re right there, Barry. You would be blessed. I know a lot of “typical jocks” who aren’t selfish, whiny brats, and who have their self-worth and perspective completely intact.

I know the bottom-liners out there will say it’s the American way, or it won’t change until fans don’t go to games anymore, etc. But truly, we’re too far gone for that. Pro sports are hard-coded into our nation’s DNA. I myself am guilty of their propagation. It would be nice if nobody talked, wrote or cared about sniping, swaggering, selfish athletes, but that’s not the reality.

What is the reality is this: I need to start studying. Today. Have a relaxing Sunday, all. Did I mention I don’t have to go to school tomorrow? It’s Deer Huntin’ Day! Yaaahoo!

Fink, happy to teach in the boonies (actually, just happy to have a job at all)

Inasmuch as you have done it to the least of these…

You might have read that Michael Vick, former NFL quarterback doing 2 years at Leavenworth, plans to file for reinstatement to the league after pleading guilty to running a dog fighting ring. He hopes that his admission of guilt will shorten his sentence.

Now I believe that someone can do wrong, then rehabilitate. If NFL commissioner Roger Goodell thinks Vick has paid his debt and it’s all right for him to go back to playing football, then that’s his call. I do wonder if the ticket-buying public will completely accept him back, but then again, I’ve heard it said that pro football is more about revenue than football, so…

But why did Vick (and his pals) do this? Certainly it wasn’t because he needed the money — although I guess he needs it now because he’s broke, which makes me wonder how anyone could go through $130 million in such a short time. Still, how could anyone do this and sleep at night?

This is Lucas. He was Vick’s #1 champion fighting dog. His face is torn up with scars. He’s being rehabilitated by some great folks at Best Friends Animal Society in Kanab, Utah, along with 21 of the 47 Pit Bull Terriers seized from “Bad Newz Kennels.”

Georgia, seen here taking a siesta with her handler, was likely one of the most abused of all Vick’s dogs, according to the feature I read. Vick hired a veterinarian (who should have his/her license revoked forever) to pull all 42 of Georgia’s teeth, presumably so she would not bite the male dogs she was repeatedly given to for breeding purposes.

The New York Times article also tells about another Vick-tim named Cherry, who…

…is so terrified of people that he won’t walk on a leash. He just prostrates himself and refuses to budge, so he has to be carried everywhere. Later, when he is finally persuaded to take short walks, he skulks, pressing himself against the nearest wall or fence, as if trying to be invisible.”

It is thought that Cherry was used as a “bait dog.”

Again, I ask: Why would someone do this to an animal? I’m no extremist, but to me, torturing a living being that cannot defend itself, or that does not know what is happening to it or why — for entertainment, fuh cripesake — is the lowest, most vile form of cruelty. The whole mess just makes me seethe with rage.

I believe that the people who did this lack a specific chip in their brain circuitry. The empathy chip; the human decency chip; the Dear-God-Don’t-Make-Me-A-Sociopath chip. Seriously, something is wrong with these guys. And they’re not alone.

In my life, I’ve seen people slap, punch, kick, scream at, and basically try to scare to death innocent dogs. I’ve heard of people feeding them alcohol until the dogs pass out, vomit, or stumble around and hurt themselves. To those folks, I say c’mere. Gotta tell you something. Take your dog to the nearest animal shelter. Then get a cat-o’-nine-tails, remove your shirt, and flog yourself unconscious. Have a friend coat your bed with salt and place you in it. Simmer. Wake up. Scream. Rinse. Repeat.

I think all dog owners should live by this list:

The List of “Nevers”

  1. NEVER hit or kick a dog — ever, for any reason — unless it’s attacking you and you fear for your safety.
  2. NEVER, upon realizing that your puppy has torn up a magazine or had an accident on the floor while you were gone, rub his snout in the mess or shake the magazine in his face while yelling at him. Want to turn your dog into a psychological mess? Then do that Jekyll-and-Hyde song and dance. Did you ever know someone — maybe a family member — whom you loved and wanted to please, but whose moods were so erratic that you feared him/her walking in the door? Then you know what I mean. Your dog adores you; don’t slap his face for it. There are other ways to redirect bad behaviors. Learn them and do what’s right by your pet. There are lots of great sites, like this one, with excellent information, for free.
  3. NEVER assume your dog knows that you’ve had a sucky day at work or school, or a fight with your significant other, or that you’re in a bad mood. Be an adult and put it aside; don’t take it out on your pet.
  4. NEVER blame your dog for what is your fault. If you don’t let him out for 12 hours and he has an accident on the floor, clean it up without comment and learn from your mistake. How would you feel if you weren’t allowed to go to the bathroom for 12 hours at a time, or if you had no water to drink all day long because someone was afraid you’d have to go to the bathroom?
  5. NEVER assume that since you’ve given this dog a home, he should be grateful to be completely ignored. Dogs can feel loss, depression, boredom, anxiety and loneliness, the same as you and I. If the novelty of having a pet has worn off for you, then give the dog to someone who will treat him with the love and respect he deserves.

Our dogs probably think the sun rises and sets on us, and they want nothing more than to please, and be loved by us. We need to give them the chance to do that.

Sure, release Vick early. But release him to a halfway house and give him a job, lasting for the remainder of what would have been his prison term. Put him to work in a local shelter, or in a vet hospital where abused animals are treated.

Fink out.

PS – National Geographic produced a special about Vick’s dogs. I’d like to see it when it comes around again.

PPS – Browns fans: interesting article off the AP wire yesterday (although I don’t know where ESPN gets off coding the link I clicked to say, “Browns owner puts Crennel, Savage on notice”).

Photo credit: New York Times