…on another day for Cleveland sports fans, just like it did back in May. That’s all I’ll say on the subject. We keep hope alive, even though it stings bad. My mother used to tell me when I’d whine after she sprayed Bactine on my scraped-up knee, “If it stings, it means the medicine is working.”
Well, the medicine must really be working.
And now for something you’ll really like: EIGHT DAYS till the Route 66 Odyssey. And it’s Finkday. Candy will be eaten.
FO
Well isn’t this just spectacular. Just when you think the LeBron madness couldn’t get anymore ridiculous, there’s this. Can it just please go away?
Here’s the biggest mistake many Cavs fans made: believing that James cares about them, and “HOME” (I saw the billboards in Cleveland the other day) and loyalty and bringing a pro sports championship of any kind to the state of Ohio. If he chooses to stay in Cleveland, it won’t be because of any of that. His behavior since February is proof positive of it, and this new insanity on ESPN drives the nail in for good. I mean really, since they’ve promised not to drag out the wait time for the announcement past ten minutes, how long will it take him to actually phonate where he’s going? Five seconds? How long does saying a city name like Cleveland, Chicago, Miami, East Rutherford or New York take?
The only ratings jump will be in the first ten minutes. After that, I’d bet that most of the fans in the aforementioned cities — with the exception of the one named by LeBron — will tune out. Idiotic.
LeBron James, his handlers and ESPN: BTTH. But this article — awesome. Haha. Yay for 20/20 perspective when needed.
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While flipping channels before bedtime last night, I came across this gem: Toddlers and Tiaras on TLC. In addition to illustrating the immeasurable lengths asinine maternal units will span in order to live vicariously through their poor daughters, this show reminded me of the old car accident saying: it’s horrifying, but you can’t look away.
Some of the cuter quotes I remember:
Mom #1, hissing in a whisper to her 4-year-old who didn’t want to wear a gargantuan wig onstage: “If you don’t wear the wig, you won’t win the Crown of Royalty!”
Mom #2, in an interview: “If Eden wins this, my $70,000 investment will have been worth it.”
Mom #3, in a startling moment of honesty: “I’m certain it’s more about what I want than what she wants.”
Fantastic. And there was so much more — not to mention the fact that people actually have pictures made of their 6-year-old daughters to look like this. No joke. That’s Regan — a real little girl. It’d be interesting to see how many pedophiles have these pageant sites bookmarked.
Child pageants, everyone who runs them, and especially the parents who exploit their kids in them: BTTH.
Children that age should be at the park, playing hide-and-seek in the big plastic tunnel.
It was a hot one, lemmetellya fiends. But we had a blast. In spite of the 100-degree heat, we enjoyed the bears (black, brown and polar), lions, lemurs, tiny monkeys, baboons, flamingos, snakes, seals, birds, exotic cats and giraffes. Jake was in charge of the spritz bottle, and we all got multiple mist treatments. I applied and reapplied sunscreen like it was my job (except I forgot my own face. Oi.).
Our geriatric spines may never be the same, but we sure loved our day together. Both boys were great sports about everything, and the Thriller was the ultimate host, making sure we were all as cool and hydrated as we could be.
We. Walked. Everywhere. And everywhere we walked was uphill and six miles to get there. But what a workout, eh?
Behold, the Zootorial…
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Fantastic day, short night. Today, we conquer the park.
Grammie Fink
Probably. But we’re going to the Cleveland zoo anyway today, despite temperatures likely reaching the mid-90s, with lots of lovely humidity pushing the heat index to over 100.
Armed with sunscreen, a spray-nozzle bottle of water (for misting purposes — keep those boys cool), a double stroller, two full sippy cups, and plans to not stay all day long, we should have a blast. Bring on the wildlife.
Jake’s looking forward to the monkeys the most. I will report back with the day’s high jinks.
Happy Tubesday, and for those fiends with real jobs, rejoice that it’s a short week!
FO
This morning I was looking at theme parks. You know, the Grammie part of me likes to think about places to take the Most Amazing Toddlers in the World (a name I won’t be able to use for much longer, since one is creeping up on birthday #3), so I started snooping about. Came upon this place – have any of you fiends been there? Was it worth the trip?
Anyway, on one of many random searches, a particular venue caught my eye. It could possibly top a list of The Most Depressing Theme Park in the World. Flippin’ awesome.
It’s Dickens World, a multi-million-pound venture situated in an old dock yard in Kent, England. Wow! Take a day to experience the filth, disease and hopelessness of Dickensian England, with actors portraying the dregs of hard-luck Victorian-era society. What a thrill for the kiddies. According to the website, you can also ” jump on board the Great Expectations Boat Ride for splashing good fun, take a trip back in time to a Victorian School complete with nasty schoolmaster or get spooked in The Haunted House of 1859.”
And look — the place comes with its own streetwalkers, ready to sell the kids their…um…yeah. Heh.
Seriously, I think this is fantastic. I would love it. I’m just not sure I’d take my children under the guise of having a cracking good time at an amusement park. History lesson — similar to, say, Colonial Williamsburg? Yes. Yee-haw, that-was-awesome fun? Nope.
OK, so Oliver Twist doesn’t float your boat. How about Grutas Park in Lithuania, where you can revisit the finer points of Stalinesque dictatorships, and, as Foreign Policy magazine puts it, “experience the joys of Gulag life, immerse yourself in the warm embrace of totalitarianism — and when you get a bit peckish, enjoy a tasty meal of ‘Nostalgija’ borscht, ‘Deer’s Eye’ cocktail, and ‘Reminiscence’ starch jelly in the cafe”? There’s also a train ride and a playground for the kids.
No? Sheesh, party pooper.
To be fair, some of these parks are not intended for children in the “entertainment” sense, but rather as an educational experience. But when an American hears the term “theme park,” he likely thinks of amusements — roller coasters, a midway, food courts and the like. Hence, the confusion.
Still, I think I’ll stick to searching for the “yee-haw” element when planning an outing for the Toddlers — at least for now — before stressing to them the finer points of picking a pocket or two.