Trippin’ the creepy meter

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I’ve often told my fiends here at RtB that I don’t know how I end up at this site or that article; I just end up there. I’ve never taken the time to retrace my “steps” to see how I arrived at a certain topic. So this morning, I tracked my progress from simple eye-catching article to final decision for today’s post. Behold, the yellow brick road:

  1. While scanning the New York Times, I notice a title: As Filmgoers Seek Cheer, Studios Struggle to Adjust.
  2. A line in the article references Busby Berkeley. I think to myself, Hmm…maybe I could choreograph a twist on a classic Berkeley number for Dinner Theatre this year. I can’t remember when he died, so I Wiki him, and the journey begins.
  3. While reading about Berkeley, I notice a reference to the Broadway musical, No No Nanette, which my friend-and-partner-in-crimes-against-the-arts Stoney and I were considering doing at one time. In that Wiki entry, I see an actress’s name: ZaSu Pitts. Hmm. Never heard of her. Clicky.
  4. In the ZaSu article, there’s a reference to a comedy she did in 1929 called The Dummy, but clicking the link doesn’t take you to an entry about the 1929 film. Instead, it leads to a 1962 episode of The Twilight Zone, called The Dummy, starring Cliff Robertson as a ventriloquist whose dummy develops an evil personality and takes over the act (and, eventually, the ventriloquist).
  5. As I go through the eerie synopsis (I have seen the episode, and it is ooky indeed), I remember something…

Et voilà. Today’s Finkness. Now wasn’t that easy? I perform this ritual almost every morning, and I must say I enjoy it immensely. I read and read and read (which I enjoy anyhow), then I happen upon something that causes a random thought or triggers a memory. And away we go.

Speaking of getting going:

Do you remember this movie? I saw it in the theater back in 1978. It featured Anthony Hopkins as a lonely, moody, morose magician named Corky, who doubled as a ventriloquist for Fats, his totally creep-tastic looking dummy.

Well, turns out, Fats was no dummy. Fats was just evil, but in an internal, much more sinister way. In other words, Fats was Corky. Fun With Psychosis, yay.

And although I haven’t seen the film since that night in ’78, I do remember that it wasn’t a jump-out-and-go-BOO-type movie. Rather, you scared yourself to death. Imagination is funny…

Maybe seeing it now would make me laugh. I do remember Burgess Meredith’s crookedly amusing line to Corky, telling him that he (Corky) could convince Meredith of his sanity if only Corky could “make Fats shut up for 5 minutes.” Of course, Meredith’s character knew Fats would not shut up once he took over Corky’s half of the personality. I remember being a bit creeped out by the whole thing.

Some dummies are funny, though. I know everyone’s familiar with Jeff Dunham’s Achmed, the Dead Terrorist and his other characters. But seriously, catch yourself some vintage Wayland and Madame sometime. Wayland Flowers, who died of AIDS complications in 1988 at only 48 years old, was not a ventriloquist; he just held Madame off to the side and spoke without the deadmouth shtick. But truly, you hardly noticed Wayland — Madame wouldn’t allow it. They were both brilliant.

Just so you know: there is a rant coming…very soon. Heh.

Fink out.

RNF XIV

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XIV — that is fourteen, right? I was recently asked in an email what the difference was between my “Random Neuron Firings” and “Various and Sundry” post titles. I said, “Erm…I suppose they’re the same thing.” Cripes, do I have to justify everything around here? Is this a marriage? Heh. J/K, BFFs.

Random Neuron Firings

Kay and Bob, our best friends of 16 years, live six months out of every year in Slovenija. Kay just recently had surgery on her foot, and she tells about the experience in a post on her blog. You want to see some fine writing and amazing pictures? Click over.

How would you feel if you had to have surgery in a place where you didn’t understand the language (from what Kay tells me, Slovene is incredibly difficult to learn), and where you’d never had a medical experience before? I honestly don’t think I would have handled it as well as my lovely opera singer friend. But she’s fabulous and my hero, so it doesn’t surprise me that she came out of it with a smile. I’m counting the days until her return on the 14th of April. Maybe, if we’re all really good little fiends, she’ll actually post a comment here someday to prove she really does exist outside of my imagination. :-)

~

Here’s something you don’t see every day. The new movie The Wrestler scored a 100% on the “Tomato-meter” at RottenTomatoes.com, my fave movie review site. The film features the now-creepy Mickey Rourke, who sliced his face to ribbons with plastic surgery. Kody, are you going to see it?

Susan Cheever wrote this interesting article in yesterday’s Times. I don’t know, but around these parts, people still get plenty smashed. And many of them aren’t even old enough to buy booze.

I love 2-hour delays. I will probably get an Amen from all my students.

Dinner Theatre is cast and ready to start rehearsals in January. Talented bunch of people, that. It still amazes me how many good singers they grow out there in Hooterville. Something in the water, I’m tellin’ ya…

All right, I’m going to go finish wrapping Jakey’s gifts and signing cards that will go to Texas on Friday. Have a grand Wednesday (or Thursday, if you’re BoomR and still in Japan).

Fink out.

PS – Just got the text message: SNOW DAY!

PTL

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Yep. Praise the Lord (remember that show, crusties?). It’s over, and it went well.

OK, except for one thing…the piano player (that would be Yours Truly). Dropping a measure before the shout chorus is not cool. Dropping a measure when 14 singers are depending on you to *not* drop a measure is consummately uncool. But, being the little pros they are, they recovered nicely and sounded great.

The choir — which was borderline under-rehearsed — did a fab job of pulling it off. I think that to say we’re all glad it’s over, however, would be an understatement. All right, on to the Finkness for today.

The folks over at Gizmodo did a feature on neat-o computer desks. I’ve pulled my faves from that article to show you this day. Click on the pictures to get the full Monty:

All right. Time to get ready so I can go pick up my peace offering to the jazz singers: donuts from Hawkins. Sheesh. Rat Fink, Rat Fink…what a donkey.

Hee-aww. Fink out.

It is here.

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Whilst I take a day off to deal with the monster in my living room, here’s something for your listening and dancing pleasure:

Shrek the Musical (???)

The Thriller and I were talking last night about Rod Blagojevich‘s hair. It got me to thinking about other politicians who needed a tonsorial adviser.

Is there a link between bad hair and corrupt politics? Nah. But it was entertaining to revisit the case of former Ohio Representative James Traficant, currently serving 9 years for corruption and misuse of federal funds.

Only in Ohio. I mean, the guy is 100% certifiable. He shouldn’t be in the joint; he should be in the loony bin. The picture at the right was on his Congress homepage, fuh cryin’ out loud. A Washington representative, featured in an animated gif file of a bouncing two-by-four, saying “Bangin’ away in DC.” HA.

But it’s a sure bet he provided some great theater (and more than a few laughs) for his colleagues in Congress. Some great Traficant quotes from the Congressional floor and from his trial in 2002:

When I get out [of prison] I will grab a sword like Maximus Meridius Demidius, and as a Gladiator, I will stab people in the crotch.

I want you to disregard all the opposing counsel has said. I think they’ve had something funny for lunch in their meal. I think they should be handcuffed, chained to a fence and flogged. And if they lie again, I’m going to go over there and kick them in the crotch. Thank you very much.

If that is not enough to compromise your Viagra, the United Nations has created a world court with universal authority and jurisdiction. Unbelievable. What is next, a world tax? Beam me up.

Beam me up here. It is time to tell these crybaby IRS thieves that we are going to pass a 15% flat sales tax and abolish them altogether. I yield back what should be the next endangered species in the United States of America: The Internal Rectal Service.

I am not making this up, swear. Actually, some of the stuff Traficant ranted about actually made sense. But it doesn’t change the fact that he is indeed a wackjob. He ran for another term from jail (he didn’t win). Word on the street is that he has taken up drawing, and is quite good at it. Good for him.

I for one am particularly interested in witnessing Jimbo bust the promised “Maximus Meridius Demidius” move. That will make for great television.

OK, back to reality (come with me, Jim). See you on the other side of tonight.

Fink out.

Sunday stuff

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Happy Sunday — Hey, here’s something funny to start your day: The Browns are on Monday Night Football tomorrow.

Heh.

So the Thriller went out last night and picked up some of Jakey’s presents. (Clicky)

Just as I predicted…Tonka stuff (recommended for ages 3+), similar to what the Thriller used to play with back in 1955. I think it’s fabulous, though. He’ll love them. Jakey, I mean. And did you know that “Tonka” means “great” in the Sioux language? Well, now you do.

Sam, I will check out the Mozart thing, thanks! And Michael…read your email about the drumset idea…

OK, a rant for today. Unfunded mandates are the bane of public education. And sometimes, they’re just dumb.

First let me say that I feel awful for the family of little Jarod Bennett. I cannot imagine in my most ghastly nightmares the horror of losing a child. As a result of Jarod’s terrible accident at school (when a folded-up cafeteria table wobbled and fell on him, killing him), former Ohio governor Bob Taft signed into existence Jarod’s Law in 2005.

I don’t have a problem with enacting safety laws for schools. I mean, I completely agree with having cafeteria tables chained to the wall when not in use. I completely agree with not allowing students to move TV carts or computer stations or whatever. Not a problem with me.

However…

As a result of Jarod’s Law, we now have to fill out MSDS forms on everything in our classrooms. And I mean everything, including, but not limited to:

  • Dry-erase markers (because kids could mistake them for lollipops and start sucking the ink out)
  • Lotion (because kids could mistake it for Gatorade)
  • Anti-bacterial hand cleaner (because students could mistake it for Visine)

We (teachers & administrators) are further insulted by the law’s admonishments that:

  1. Coffee pots be placed in areas that are not easily accessible to students
  2. Classroom exits be clear of debris and trip hazards
  3. Rooms containing dangerous chemicals be locked when not in use

Some have said that the law was necessary, because people are innately stupid and if there’s no law to remind them to use their brains, they won’t. Well, I submit that the mere existence of law does not necessarily make adherence a no-brainer. (Ya think??) I mean, come on. What happened to common sense? If you have sulfuric acid in your room, don’t leave it out on the counter top when you go to lunch. Do they not teach this in chemistry classes?

It’s truly sad that people will put $10 in petty cash in a locked safe, but leave dangerous folded-up cafeteria tables out where elementary school kids can play on them. **Side note here: why are kids playing on folded-up cafeteria tables in the first place? Why are they unsupervised in the cafeteria?** I guess that’s the reality behind Jarod’s Law. So it’s come to this. We have to legislate basic cognitive functions. Yark…I need a drink.

Speaking of chemicals: the chemistry teacher at my high school told me that his MSDS forms folder is over 300 pages long. And what does updating one’s MSDS folder entail? Looking up (and many times, not finding) the exact name brand of your bottle of rubbing alcohol or white board cleaner, printing out the MSDS safety sheet on it, punching a hole in it, and putting it in a plastic binder so you can display it when the Jarod’s Law people come to inspect your room twice a year.

So what am I doing today? The Thriller and I are going to my classroom to make sure everything’s in order for tomorrow’s inspection. We’re cleaning out cabinets and storage spaces, and I am removing every ounce of hand lotion, hand sanitizer and Windex that I ever stored anywhere in my room. I have my generic MSDS forms already in their display folder; I will play the good little soldier and do what I’m told tomorrow for when Big Brother comes to inspect.

And did I mention Jarod’s Law is yet another unfunded mandate by the state government? (Translation: the state legislature makes up new crap, and the schools get to pay for it. No wonder nobody will ever pass another levy.)

And that’s all for today, because, well, I have to get ready to go to school. Nice. I know, I’m crabby. But after tomorrow night, you’ll see a new me, promise!

Fink out.